


Finding the Way

by trepkos



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 09:03:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4429430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepkos/pseuds/trepkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young warrior joins Arthur's people.  He wants to learn everything Kai can teach him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Do you, Herward, give up your claim upon the fealty of this man?”

“I do,” Herward immediately responds. He casts a quick glance at the young man – his bearing straight, his long dark hair neatly tied back – who stands before Arthur. “You are gaining a fine warrior, and I am losing one. But I won’t stand in his way.” 

“Do you, Gryphon, abjure all previous allegiances, and swear loyalty to me, and to this village? Do you swear upon your life, to keep its secrets and its people safe?”

The man pulls himself up even straighter than before. “I do so swear.”

Arthur nods approvingly. “Then as leader of this village, I accept you under my protection.”

The whole village, gathered to witness the ceremony, cheers.

~~

When the welcoming celebration is in full swing – the longhouse, full of raucous laughter from a noisy drinking game – Arthur calls Kai and Llud over, and says quietly, “This young Gryphon – we’ve seen what a formidable fighter he is. Why do you think Herward let him go so easily? Doesn’t it seem a bit … odd?”

Kai cocks his head. “What are you getting at?”

“Well, Herward’s always going on about how hard pressed he is. If you were he, wouldn’t you have made the effort to persuade Gryphon to bring his bride home with him?”

Llud shrugs. “It’s a bit late to start asking questions like that now. Anyway, why look a gift horse in the mouth?” 

“If the Trojans had done so, it might have saved them a deal of trouble.” Arthur casts a glance across at Gryphon, where he stands talking earnestly to his new wife, Meredith. “And why would Gryphon want to leave his own village?”

Llud frowns, considering. “Well, there’s Meredith’s old mother –”

“They could have taken her with them.”

“And, come to think of it, isn’t Meredith an odd choice, for a young man like Gryphon?”

Kai snorts. “She’s a good cook. Not bad looking, if you like that kind of thing. Pleasant, intelligent –”

“And fifteen years older than he is, if she’s a day,” Llud puts in.

Kai grins. “Older women have their own attractions.”

“Oh, come on!” Arthur slaps him, back-handed, on the chest. “Even _you_ ’ve never tried your luck with Meredith!” 

Kai raises an eyebrow. “What makes you so sure of that?”

Arthur blinks, a bit put out.

“And what do you mean, _‘Even you’_?”

“Alright you two – don’t start!” Their adoptive father rolls his eyes. “Anyway, what’s _your_ theory, Arthur?”

“I don’t have one. I’m just a bit suspicious of … newcomers.”

Kai drops his gaze, and Arthur feels a cruel satisfaction at having reminded him that the last newcomer – whom he thought to wed – put them all at risk. 

Llud shakes his head in mild reproof, and rests a hand on Kai’s back. “Oh, come on Arthur! You’ve already accepted the young fellow. It doesn’t seem –”

“Yes, I’ve accepted him. But to fulfil my obligations, both to him, and all the rest, I need to know as much about him as I can find out.”

Kai nods. “That’s fair enough, I suppose.”

“It is. And I’d like you both to keep an eye on him. Make sure he’s all he appears to be.”

Llud shakes his head. “That’s no job for me, Arthur. I’ll not spy on the lad.”

Arthur heaves a sigh. “I’m not asking anyone to ‘spy.’ But if that’s the way you feel –”

“Call it what you like. I’m going to fill this.” Llud looks into his empty mug, and heads off towards the barrel.

“Kai – you’ll take Gryphon under your wing for a while, won’t you? Just … get to know the man.”

“Get to know him? That’s all?”

“Make sure he’s fitting in, and knows the ropes.”

Kai gives a shrug. “Alright. I’ll do it.” 

“And let me know if he has any flaws, or weaknesses.”

“I’m hardly the man to point fingers, in that respect!”

Arthur smiles ruefully. “Just do your best. And explain the warnings system to him.”

“Are you sure?”

Arthur bites his lip, then nods. “In the end, he’ll have to take his turn manning his post, like everybody else. And if we don’t want him setting it off by accident, we don’t really have a choice.”

~~

As Kai crosses the room, and starts to fill his mug, Gryphon leaves his wife, and approaches him, his hands clasped. 

“So … you’re Kai, aren’t you? The Saxon?”

“How did you guess?” Kai says dryly. He runs a hand through his blond mane; the reminder to all and sundry that though he calls the leader of the Celts his brother, he’s an outsider, and always will be. 

“Sorry … I didn’t mean –”

Kai slaps a mug of mead into Gryphon’s hand. “No offence taken.”

“Oh … good.” Gryphon fixes earnest brown eyes on Kai. “I’m very pleased to make your acquaintance.” 

Gryphon’s as tall as Kai, and built like a titan – so when he offers his hand to shake, Kai braces himself for a bone-crushing challenge. But Gryphon just gently clasps his hand, and meets his gaze with unwarranted sincerity. 

Not quite knowing where to look, Kai glances to one side, and frees his hand.

“So … tell me all about Arthur!” Gryphon bobs slightly, so he is once again in Kai’s immediate line of sight. “I can’t wait to ride into battle with him! And … you, of course.”

Kai turns his attention to the task of drawing another mug of mead. “Arthur’s not afraid to fight, but he usually tries to avoid battle, rather than seeking it out. He wants there to be peace between all Celts. It’s the Saxons who are his sworn enemies.” 

“All but you!”

Kai grins. “Most of the time, anyway.”

“Oh, go on!” Gryphon punches him on the arm. “What else? He’s my new leader. I want to keep on his good side.”

Kai silently wishes him good luck with that. “You won’t meet a more formidable opponent. And he keeps his word – usually to the letter.”

Gryphon nods. “That’s what I’d heard. What else?”

Kai frowns. Telling Gryphon about Arthur wasn’t the point of this, at all. “You’ll find out soon enough! What about you? How are you settling in here, with Meredith?”

“Oh, I’m happy as a lark in springtime!”

“That’s a fine new hut you’ve built.”

“The old one, the roof was all leaking, see, and it wasn’t good for Meredith’s mother.”

“Very good of you, to let her move in with you – especially so soon after the wedding.”

Gryphon glances at Meredith. “Well, my own mother … she died, you know.” Sudden tears well up in Gryphon’s eyes. “I do miss her.” 

Kai feels a sympathetic lump come to his throat. “I don’t even know who my parents were. I’m sure you know the tale – Llud took me in when I was very young.” He swallows. “One thing I _can_ tell you about Arthur, is that he loves children, almost as much as Llud does. They’ll both be hoping you and Meredith will provide us with a new addition to our village, in a few months’ time!” 

“Oh, I … don’t know about that.” Gryphon casts his eyes down.

“No need to be so coy!”

“Well … we’ll see.” 

Kai shrugs. “So, Arthur has asked me to ride out with you tomorrow – help you get your bearings.”

“Oh, that’s marvellous!” 

Gryphon clasps Kai’s hand once more, then looks a bit put out at having to let go, when the lovely Gwenda squeezes her fragrant self between them on her way to get some mead.

“Excuse me,” she says, beaming up at them.

“It’s no trouble!” Kai assures her, as he takes advantage of the view of her bosom this affords, and gives her waist a squeeze. “Don’t mind him – he’s a married man! But do feel free to press yourself against me, any time you like.”

Gwenda giggles.

Gryphon clears his throat. “Well, I’ll … let you get on. I’ve taken up enough of your time.” He starts to back away.

“What?” Kai drags his gaze away from the drop of mead making its way down Gwenda’s cleavage, and raises a hand in farewell. “Oh, yes, Gryphon – goodnight. Give my best to Meredith, and don’t forget – stop by the longhouse, in the morning. We’ll ride out.”

~~

At last, everybody trails off home, leaving the longhouse looking – and smelling – like the Saxons, Angles, Picts and Scots have all swept through. 

Kai heaves a sigh. “Why is it always us that gets left with all the mess?”

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about.” Arthur picks up the last remaining apple from a bowl, and takes a bite. “Esla always does the actual cleaning in the morning!” 

Arthur gives him that self-satisfied look that makes Kai want to wipe it off his face, and replace it with … 

“Or are you always too hung-over to notice?”

“I notice. But we have to look at it till then.” Kai swaggers up to Arthur. “It’s not very conducive to –”

“Not now.” Arthur sets his palm against Kai’s chest. 

“Oh, come on, Arthur …” Kai steps in closer.

“I said, ‘not now.’” 

Arthur gives him a shove; he stumbles back. 

“Why not?” 

“Because you’re drunk, and I’m not in the mood.”

Kai knocks over an empty mug, and rolls it back and forth beneath his palm. “You’re never in the mood these days.”

“And you’re always in it.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Kai lifts his chin. 

Arthur purses his lips. “It’s unseemly.”

“‘Unseemly’?” Kai snorts. 

“Putting yourself about, like a fox in springtime.”

“Well maybe if you weren’t always wrapped up tight, like a … a bear in winter –” 

“Who’s next on your list? Gwenda? Rhianna? Maeryn?”

 _“You.”_ Kai slams a fist down on the table. “You’re always the top of my list. For all the good it does either of us.”

He stomps off, towards the bedroom. Then he remembers that Llud is trying to sleep, so he closes the door quietly, though he wants to slam it shut. 

~~


	2. Chapter 2

All night, tormented by bad dreams, Kai sweats and tangles in his furs and blankets. By the time he wakes, Arthur and Llud have already gone about whatever tasks they have in hand today: Kai can’t remember what. He only knows the longhouse stands empty but for him, and what’s left of breakfast sitting in cold reproach upon the table.

He goes to the door, thinking to dunk his sore head in the trough, but finds Gryphon waiting outside, his face shining, his big dappled horse beside him, saddled and ready. 

Kai groans, and rubs his eyes. He’d forgotten all about the task Arthur set him for the day. 

“You’re keen! We’ll have to do something about that. Can’t have you showing the rest of us up.”

Gryphon’s face falls. “Well, you said –”

“I know! Don’t worry – I’m just pulling your leg.” 

“Oh. I see. Have to learn to get used to that.”

“What? People don’t make jokes in Herward’s village?”

“Not with me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Oh … I don’t know. Anyway, I’m glad to be away from there. Glad to be in Arthur’s village. Very glad. I’m grateful to be given a fresh start.”

“Well, I’d better get my horse.” Kai trudges off down to the stables. 

Why does _he_ have to baby-sit this pup? And what a strange fish Gryphon is: so serious. Arthur should have made his own assessment of the man. They ought to get on well. 

When he returns a few minutes later, leading his mare, Gryphon’s horse greets her with a friendly whicker. 

“Hello there!” Gryphon runs an assessing hand down Kai’s horse’s neck and chest. “She’s a real beauty! What do you call her?”

Even Arthur doesn’t know he’s given his horse a name. But Gryphon’s wide brown eyes and open countenance invite confidences. 

“I call her ‘Blackstar’.” 

“Hello, Blackstar.” Gryphon pets her ears, and says confidingly, “I don’t really trust females.” 

Kai laughs. “You just married one!”

Gryphon scuffs his foot on the ground. “I know. But Meredith … well, she’s different.”

That’s true enough. Until her father died, Meredith used to ride and hunt with the young men. Now, she spends all her time making a living to support herself and her old mother, doing weaving and leatherwork; sometimes lending a hand at the forge. The other women look on her with open disapproval, and he’s never known her court a man. How on earth she and Gryphon got together, Kai can’t imagine.

“Well, Blackstar’s a lady, but she’s also a good battle horse – she hasn’t let me down, yet.” Kai mounts up. “Shall we go?”

“Oh, yes!” Gryphon puts his foot in the stirrup, but his saddle slips round, and he almost falls flat on his back. “Damn it to hell!” He kicks the mounting block.

“Steady on! No harm done.”

Blushing, Gryphon tightens his girth, and gets himself safely into the saddle. “You’d think I’d never saddled a horse before.”

“Been riding long?”

“Since I was a kid. There’s no excuse. But I’ve only had Shadow here a few months.”

“He’s a fine fellow. Must have cost a whole year’s work.”

“Yes. Well, no, actually. I … well, I won him. From one of the other men in the village.”

“You won him?” Kai whistles. “That was well wagered! You’re a betting man, then?”

“It wasn’t a bet, exactly. Someone offered me an insult. We fought over it. I won. His horse was forfeit.”

Kai puffs out his cheeks. “I must remember not to insult you. I can’t afford to lose my horse!”

Gryphon just laughs.

“Seriously, though – don’t go picking fights here. Arthur won’t like it.”

Gryphon shakes his head vehemently. “I’ll try not to. Like I said – a fresh start.”

~~

So they spend a pleasant morning, riding the boundaries of what Arthur’s people think of as their territory, even if their neighbours sometimes disagree. When they stop for a meal of bread and cheese, Kai remembers that he’s supposed to be finding out about his young companion. 

Between mouthfuls, he says, “So, Gryphon, why did you decide to live here, rather than taking Meredith home with you, to Herward’s?” 

Gryphon chews deliberately for a while. Then he admits, “I … didn’t really fit in.”

Kai knows how that feels. Still, Gryphon is a Celt. “You were born there, weren’t you?”

“I was. But … some people took against me. I don’t know why, but there was a bit of bad feeling. And it just got worse – especially after I won that horse.”

“You won the fight fairly?” 

“Of course!” Gryphon says, a bit more loudly than he needed to. “Anyway, I fancied a change … wanted to learn.”

“Learn what?”

“Well, Arthur’s fighting skills are known of, far and wide.”

“But you’re a fair swordsman, yourself. I’ve seen you in battle. Wouldn’t want to take you on.”

“Oh, come now …” Gryphon purses his lips. “To be honest, it’s you I really want to learn from.” 

“Me?” Kai raises an eyebrow. “Why me?”

“I want to master all kinds of weaponry. And no one else on our side can teach me to fight with an axe.”

“You want to learn the Saxon weapon? Why?”

Gryphon bites his lip. “When I saw you in that battle we fought against the Picts, I just thought you – it looked magnificent.”

Kai laughs. “I’ve been called a lot of things before, but never that! Arthur thinks it’s an ugly weapon.”

“Not in your hands, it’s not.”

Suddenly, Kai finds Gryphon looking into his eyes with such admiration, it’s embarrassing. He wants to look away, but somehow he can’t seem to do it.

“I heard tell you even beat Arthur once. Is it really true?”

That breaks Gryphon’s spell. Kai pushes himself to his feet, fetches a wineskin from his saddlebags, and takes a long pull. Gareth and Gawain spread word about that dark day, far and wide; the minstrels still sing of it, as though it were something to be celebrated. Kai leaves the room whenever one starts singing of the worst fight he and Arthur ever had.

As for what happened next … it had seemed like the start of a new chapter between them. But after one brief, glorious summer, when it seemed nothing could go wrong, the world came rushing back, and Arthur drew away from him once more. Now, it’s only when Arthur’s need overcomes his pride, and he can’t help himself, that he allows a brief fuck, in some out of the way place. Afterwards, angry and ashamed, he raises the walls between them once again.

“Kai – are you alright?”

Kai shakes his head. “Yes, sorry.”

“So how did you beat the greatest swordsman in the land?”

Kai grimaces. “I didn’t. We fought to a standstill. I was lucky to survive, and so was he. That’s all.” 

“But the minstrels –”

“If you believe everything told to you by minstrels, you’re a fool!” Kai says harshly.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to give offence.”

Kai grits his teeth. “You didn’t.” 

Into the embarrassed silence that follows this blatant lie, a blackbird clacks a warning. Kai glances at the sky. Clouds heavy with rain hang low, pressing down on them. 

“Come on – let’s get home, before we get a soaking.” 

They mount up, and Kai rides ahead, hoping to discourage further conversation. But Gryphon isn’t easily put off.

“So, will you teach me, Kai?”

“Teach you …?”

“The axe!”

“I … don’t know. If you learn to fight with the axe, it may blunt your edge when fighting with the sword.”

“You fight with both. I’ve seen you.”

Kai shrugs. “True. Well, perhaps you should speak to Arthur about it, first.”

“I think it would be better coming from you.”

Kai heaves a sigh. “Alright – I’ll see what he says.”

“And Kai …” Gryphon bites his lip. “You won’t tell him, will you – how I got my horse?”

That’s asking a lot. 

“Alright.” Kai pins him with a look. “I won’t tell him – so long as you don’t start any more fights!”

~~

Kai pushes through the longhouse door, to be greeted –

“Where the hell have you been all day?”

Arthur’s mood doesn’t seem to have improved since last night, but Kai doesn’t see why he should walk on eggshells.

“You told me to get to know Gryphon – that’s what I’ve been doing.”

“And?”

“And, what?”

Arthur slowly lowers his mug. “What do you think of him?”

“It’s … I don’t know. Too early to say.”

Kai goes to the cooking pot, slops some of the cooling broth into a bowl, and sits down, facing Arthur.

“You’ve been out with him all day, and you don’t yet have the measure of him?”

Kai knows he ought to tell Arthur that Gryphon fought over an insult, but he did promise to keep that to himself. Anyway, who hasn’t – at some point – done the same? 

He could just say that Gryphon has a temper. But now that it comes down to it, Kai finds he feels reluctant to talk to Arthur about the young man. Though Arthur doesn’t want to call it spying, that’s exactly what it is. It doesn’t seem quite fair.

“Well, he seems … nice enough.” 

“‘Nice enough’? Hardly the insightful analysis I was looking for.” 

“Well, he is! He built Meredith and her mother a new hut, because their roof leaked. That’s ‘nice’, isn’t it? And it shows he can work with his hands!” Kai says triumphantly. 

“Well, is that all? What about any weaknesses?”

Kai heaves a sigh. “He’s perhaps a bit short-tempered.”

Arthur frowns. “With you?”

“No – with himself. He doesn’t like to make mistakes.”

“Hmmm. No bad thing, I suppose. What else?”

“What do you want me to say?” Kai spreads his hands. “He’s a man, who needs food and drink to live, and air to breathe. He moves one foot forward, and then the other –”

“You know exactly what I mean. I want to know whether we can trust him. If he’s going to be fighting side by side with us –”

“We’ve fought alongside him before – Herward’s our ally.”

“That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”

The more Arthur badgers him, the less Kai feels inclined to reveal.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Arthur. He seemed … like any other man.”

“‘Like any other man’?”

Kai heaves a sigh. “Well, alright then … let me think. The first time we spoke, he told me that his mother’s dead.”

“Whose isn’t?”

Kai shakes his head. “Arthur, you might have some sympathy! If you really want to know, he seems a bit unsure of himself. But he’s starting a new life, in a new village, so who could blame him? But we already know he’s a fine warrior, so –”

Arthur snorts. “Maybe on foot – but that horse of his deserved a better rider. I happened to see you setting out.”

Kai looks up sharply. “So you knew where I was going, after all?”

“I knew – I just didn’t think you’d take all day about it.”

Concentrating on keeping his temper, Kai dunks a piece of bread into his broth. “He rides well enough.” 

“You’re too generous. You should give him some pointers.”

“Alright. That shouldn’t be too hard. He seems eager to please.”

Arthur’s eyes narrow. “Eager to please whom?” 

“You! And I wish him luck with that!” Kai shakes his head, drops his bread into his bowl, and pushes himself to his feet. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed. And you can read into that, whatever you like!”

~~


	3. Chapter 3

Kai throws himself on his bed. What in the name of the gods has put Arthur in such a mood? It’s almost as if he _wants_ to find out that Gryphon has some terrible secret – that he’s about to sell them out to the Saxons.

If Gryphon has a flaw, he’s almost too willing to please. He was so complimentary about Kai’s riding, his reputation, even the way he built a fire when they stopped to eat, that at first Kai wondered whether he was being sarcastic. 

At least Gryphon appreciates him! 

Kai snorts at himself, and turns over. 

Then he recalls that Gryphon twice mentioned a ‘fresh start.’ Why would he need one? Surely a quick temper, and a fight over horse, would not be enough to exile him from his home? But people can be tricky; grudges between men, or whole families can blight a man’s existence. 

~~

The next morning, when Kai comes to the longhouse door, Gryphon is once again waiting outside, his face eager. “What are we doing today?”

Kai hadn’t even thought about it. “Well, we could –”

“Can you start teaching me the axe?”

“Oh … well, I didn’t get around to asking Arthur about that.”

Gryphon looks downcast. “If you’re too busy –”

“No, I’m not busy.” 

Kai can’t really think of a good reason Arthur would object to Gryphon’s rather odd ambition. And if he does …

“Alright – we’ll make a start now, if you like. Come on!” Kai sets off down the path towards the woods, and Gryphon falls in step. “You can use my axe for now.”

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“Why would I? It’s only an axe. I haven’t given _that_ a name as well! But if you think you want to learn more, we’ll ask the blacksmith to make one up for you.”

“Grand!”

“But I warn you, I’ve never taught anyone before – not this weapon. And most of what I know, I had to find out for myself.”

Gryphon’s jaw drops. “Really? How did you manage that?”

“I remembered a few things I was taught as a child. The rest, I worked out, with the help of Llud and Arthur, and some of the older warriors who’d been fighting Saxons for years.”

“They didn’t worry you’d turn the weapon against them?”

“If they did, they never dared say so – not with Llud around!”

Gryphon laughs. “Yes, he seems a formidable man.”

“Formidable, yes – wise, and kind as well. Anyway – here we are!”

They step out from among the trees, into the clearing where the practice men await their fate.

“This is brilliant!” Gryphon says. “Herward doesn’t have anything like it.”

“Arthur’s idea.”

“He’s such an inspiration!” 

“That’s one word for him.”

Gryphon gives Kai a puzzled look; Kai pretends he hasn’t seen it, but takes his axe from his belt, and sets himself, feet well apart, with the axe held out before him, in both hands. 

Gryphon’s tongue flicks across his lips. The man seems nervous. Still, that’s no bad thing when learning a new weapon.

“Now. The first thing to understand is that the weighting of the axe is very different from that of any other weapon, though it’s a little like a club, in that most of the weight is in the head. So the further down the haft you grip it, the more power you can put into a blow.”

“So, the further along the … along the haft you hold it, the better?”

“If you were experienced, perhaps. But you’ll have more control if you hold it closer to the head.”

Gryphon bites his lower lip. “So I should do that then – because I’m new to this?”

Kai nods. “Yes. You’ll need that control until you get accustomed to the weapon, because unlike a club, the axe isn’t evenly balanced around the haft.” 

“It’s complicated …”

“You’ll get the hang of it.”

Kai holds his axe out towards Gryphon. “Now – take it!”

Despite what he said before, as Gryphon reaches for his axe, Kai feels a strange reluctance to let a stranger wield it. But Gryphon is so diffident, it’s hard to really mind. Just in case Arthur’s nebulous misgivings about Gryphon should prove well-founded, he checks his short sword, hanging at his belt.

Gryphon takes the axe, one-handed. He hardly seems to notice the weight.

“See how it feels?”

“It feels grand!”

“Alright. The first move to learn is the slash. You can do this horizontally, or on the slant. Hold the axe out in front of you, with both hands.”

Gryphon does as he’s told.

Kai goes to stand behind Gryphon, and reaches round to hold his arms. “I’m going to guide your movements.” 

But Gryphon’s too stiff. 

“Try to relax.”

Gryphon snorts. 

“What’s funny about that?”

Gryphon glances over his shoulder, but – for once – he doesn’t look Kai in the eye. “Nothing. Sorry.”

“Come on. Let’s try again. Try not to stand so straight – let your hips take the weight.”

Gryphon sits back on his hips a little, but he’s still too tense.

“Are you alright?”

“Can you let me try this on my own, please, Kai?” Gryphon says it very quietly, almost if he doesn’t want Kai to hear him.

“Of course.” Kai releases Gryphon’s arms, and steps back from him. 

Gryphon gives a nervous laugh. “Alright. Where were we?”

Kai comes round to stand in front of him. “Slowly guide the axe head from one side to the other. You must keep control, even at the fastest part of the swing.”

“Why?”

“If, by accident, you swing too far in one direction –

Gryphon nods. “– I leave my other flank wide open.”

“Exactly.”

Gryphon swings the axe one way, and then the other. He seems a natural, but Kai doesn’t tell him so. It’s too early to build his confidence.

“Can you feel where the strain is going to tell?”

Gryphon nods. “My wrists, elbows … the back of my arms.”

“So be careful you don’t do too much on the first day. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“Now let the axe make a figure of eight in the air.”

“A figure of eight?” Gryphon strains to raise the axe above his head. “I don’t think I can –” 

“No! Not like that! With the eight lying on its side.”

“Of course!” Gryphon blows out an irritated breath. “I’m so fucking stupid!” He almost throws the axe to the ground.

“Hey! Calm down! It’s my fault – I should have explained it better.”

Gryphon gives him a grateful look.

“But – and this is serious – you must _never_ throw an axe down. It could bounce up, and hit you. Or me, for that matter.”

Gryphon’s face blanches, then flushes scarlet. He holds the axe out to Kai. “I’d better give this up. I’m not –”

“Don’t be so easily put off!” Kai pats Gryphon on the back. “Come on – we’re here now. Might as well have one lesson, at least.” 

Gryphon takes a deep breath; his angry stance relaxes. “Thanks.” He raises the axe, ready to begin again.

“So. Figures of eight, and make the move flow. Turn your wrist at the end of each arc, and bring the axe back the other way, then turn it again.”

Gryphon’s frame begins to move more rhythmically, swaying a little from side to side.

“And feel the axe as part of your arm – just as you would, the sword.”

“Yes! I think I feel it!”

“Alright. Now attack the dummy. Not too savagely – we’ll need him again.”

Gryphon moves clumsily forward.

“Take it slowly, keep your feet wide apart, and move forward in small steps, or you might lose your balance.”

Gryphon’s brow creases. “But I’ve always been taught you have to be quick in a fight.”

“With most weapons, yes. But with an axe, so long as you keep the blade moving, it’s very hard for a swordsman to get close to you, without you knocking the sword out of his hand.”

More steadily this time, Gryphon advances on the practice man, and inflicts two or three slashes to the torso.

“See the kind of wounds that makes?”

“Could be lethal.”

“If your man is standing still! But unless he’s careless, and lets you get too close, the slash will only weaken him, with shallow cuts.”

“Oh, well what’s the use of that?”

“You’re softening him up, so that when you move in for the kill, he’ll be slow, and weak from loss of blood. Alright. Let’s take a rest. Your arms must be getting tired.”

Gryphon squares his shoulders. “No, I’m fine.” 

Kai frowns. “Alright then. The next move is for those times when your opponent does happen to get too close. You hold the axe directly in front of you, and strike up and forward, in a straight movement, knocking him away. Try it on the dummy.”

Gryphon knocks the head off the practice man.

“Oh. Well, you seem to have the hang of that move!” Kai retrieves the head, and fits it back on the peg.

“What’s next?”

“This is the opposite of the slash you learned before. It’s a move to use if your opponent gets near you while your guard is down – too close for you to either swing or knock him away. Hold the axe down, as if you’re at the lowest point of your figure of eight.”

Gryphon complies.

“There – see you vulnerable you are? Imagine a man standing right in front of you. Now drag the axe head back the way it came – back towards the centre of the eight.”

With a slight effort, Gryphon yanks the axe upwards, on an angle. His eyes widen. “That’s nasty!” 

“Yes, axe fighting isn’t as clean as using a sword. With this move, you’re using the top point of the axe to rip your opponent’s flesh, leaving a jagged injury. Your enemy will have to fall back. And that’s when you move in for the kill – the most lethal move – the downward chop. Only use this if your opponent is already slow or weak, and you are very sure of yourself. Do you see why?”

Gryphon raises the axe above his head, then lowers it again. “Because now, _both_ my flanks are wide open?”

“Exactly. And if you should miss your opponent completely, it takes time to recover. Time that might cost you dearly.”

“Alright – I think I’m ready.” Gryphon tosses the axe from one hand to the other. 

Kai laughs, and shakes his head. “You’ve just proved otherwise.”

Gryphon’s face falls.

“Never toss an axe from hand to hand. The head is the heaviest part of the axe – it wants to be on the ground, and a quick opponent will help it on its way. Once there, it’s almost impossible to retrieve, in time to save your life. So always maintain a solid grip, and if you want to change hands, do it smoothly. Never let go.”

“Sorry, Kai.”

“Don’t be sorry – it’s only your first day!”

Kai goes to give Gryphon’s head a friendly cuff, and is surprised to see the big man flinch, his fist clenching at his side, as if he’s trying not to use it; as if he thought Kai was really going to hurt him.

Kai takes a step back. “Hey, it’s alright.”

Through gritted teeth, Gryphon says, “I just … I wanted to do it right.”

“I know. Just stay calm. Don’t give up. Pass the axe in front of you, and change hands without letting go.” 

“Kai …”

“What is it?”

“I’m knackered. Can we rest a while?”

“Of course. Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was a weakling. Didn’t want to let you down after you’ve taken so much trouble.”

“Better to tell me you’re too tired to carry on, than take my head off by accident!”

Gryphon stares at the ground, his mouth agape – as if Kai’s head were already lying at his feet. “Oh, don’t say that! It would be horrible.”

“Well, let’s hope it never happens, eh?” Kai slaps him on the back. “You’ve done very well for your first time. And teaching’s hard work.”

“Alright.” Gryphon sits down on a log. “That _was_ quite hard work!”

“You’ve made good progress. Do you think you want to carry on with it?”

“Oh yes! It’s good – it feels so powerful. And you – you’re a great teacher.”

Kai snorts.

Gryphon studies his fingernails. “You don’t like it when I say nice things about you.” 

“I don’t mind really …” Kai sets his back against a tree trunk, and lets himself slide to the ground. “It’s just …” 

Arthur never compliments him on anything – though he’s keen to point out whatever he does wrong. Sometimes he feels like Arthur’s dog, the way he’s spoken to: ‘Kai, do this!’ ‘Do that!’ ‘Kai, no!’ ‘Kai – leave that girl alone!’ 

“I mean every word, you know!” Gryphon says vehemently.

Kai takes a drink from a skin, then passes it to Gryphon. Their hands touch. 

Gryphon draws back. “Sorry.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know. Nothing really.” He makes a frustrated gesture. “I don’t seem to be able to say anything right.”

“Don’t mind me. I’m just tired. I’m going to take a nap.” Kai rests his head against the trunk, and shuts his eyes.

Gryphon gets to his feet. “Don’t worry – I’ll stay on watch!”

Kai opens one eye. “On watch? We’re only half a mile from the village.”

“Still, I’d rather –”

“Suit yourself!” Kai closes his eyes.

~~


	4. Chapter 4

**_“Kai!”_ **

Kai wakes to the clang of sword on sword, and sees Gryphon fighting off two Picts at once. Axe in hand, Kai leaps to his feet, but feels a blinding pain as someone hits him from behind. He drops his axe, and crumples. By the time his head stops spinning, Gryphon, his back against a tree, is fighting like a man possessed, against all three Painted Ones. 

Kai draws his short sword, and slashes at the nearest. Blood spurts from the man’s thigh; he gives a strangled yelp, and drops like a felled tree. Both the other Picts turn toward Kai, and the end of Gryphon’s sword appears through the belly of the tallest one. 

As Kai gets to his feet, the third Pict barrels towards him, wounding his left arm. Kai turns and plunges his sword through the Pict’s flank, once, twice, and the man falls, choking, and spitting blood. 

Gryphon runs towards Kai. “Let me see your arm!”

But the cries for help from the hamstrung Pict still rend the air. Kai glances at his own minor flesh wound, and pushes past Gryphon. “There might be more of them around. My arm can wait. This can’t.” 

He kneels beside the blue-painted one, puts a hand under the man’s chin, and cuts his throat, then heaves a sigh, and closes the man’s eyes.

He looks up at Gryphon. “Good thing you were paying attention.” 

“Good thing you woke up in time!” Gryphon offers him a hand.

“Thanks.” Kai lets Gryphon help him to his feet. “Come on – we’d best hurry back, and report to Arthur about these …” He gestures at their dead attackers.

Gryphon nods. “Alright. Shall we bring their heads?”

Kai frowns. “Is that how Herward does things?”

Gryphon doesn’t answer, but Kai takes his silence for consent. Arthur won’t be happy if he hears about that – he doesn’t like his allies behaving like savages. 

“I’ve never seen any heads on spikes when we’ve been to Herward’s village.”

“Oh, he … only keeps them a week or so.”

Kai shrugs. “Arthur doesn’t like dead things around him. He’ll want the bodies burned. We’d best get back to the village, and bring more men with us, in case these aren’t the only Picts about.”

As they walk back together, Kai feels more kindly disposed towards the new addition to the village than he did before. Gryphon fought well. 

Their shoulders bump together.

“You saved my life, back there.”

Gryphon grins. “I did, didn’t I?”

~~

“Where on earth has Kai got to now?”

Llud raises an eyebrow. “I saw him heading out of the village with young Gryphon in tow.”

“Their horses are still in the stable.”

“They were on foot.”

“Did he say what they were doing?”

Llud shakes his head. “Not to me.”

“It’s so typical of him, to –” 

“To do exactly what you told him to do?” Llud gives a wry smile.

“Well, no. That’s not typical.” That’s why Arthur finds it so puzzling.

Llud taps him on the shoulder. “Look – there they are.”

Arthur turns to see where Llud is pointing, and his stomach fills with bile. Kai has an arm slung around Gryphon’s shoulder. What’s more, his other arm is bound up with a piece of cloth. If Gryphon’s been careless …

“You’re wounded!”

“I’d be dead if it weren’t for this pup’s vigilance!” Kai punches Gryphon on the arm.

“And I’d be dead if you hadn’t taken that one out from behind. There were three of them on me at once!”

“You fought like a berserker!”

“Never mind about congratulating each other!” Arthur wishes he didn’t sound so sour. “Is the village in danger?”

“Three Picts,” Kai says. “They came out of nowhere, but there don’t seem to be any more of them around.”

Arthur purses his lips. “What were you doing on foot, just the two of you, out in the woods, without letting me know?”

Kai frowns. “We were only by the practice dummies.”

“Doing what?”

“I was showing Gryphon some axe moves, when –”

“Come on Arthur,” Llud intervenes. “They’ve just been in a fight. Let’s go in, see to that wound, then we can hear all about it.”

“Alright.” With a wave, Arthur summons a passing villager. “Kai’s wounded. Get Lenni to the Longhouse, straight away.” 

The man scurries off. 

“Llud – lead a party out, and check the area. See if there are any more of these Picti of yours. Gryphon – you go with him.”

Kai holds a hand up. “Gryphon’s been practising hard all day. He needs to rest.”

Arthur feels his spine stiffen.

“No, I’m fine, Kai,” Gryphon cuts in. “I’ll go with Llud. I’ll just fetch my horse.”

Llud slaps Gryphon on the arm. “Good man. Meet me at the gate.” He strides off to get his band together.

Arthur takes in a deep breath through his nose. “Take care, Llud. Kai – with me.” He stalks into the longhouse.

~~

Arthur watches as Lenni cleans and bandages Kai’s wound. “How is it?” 

“It will be fine, I’m sure.”

“This was my fault, sending you out alone, with that young man.” 

“Gryphon fought better than I did, as it happens. It was a good thing he was there.” 

“Alright – then you won’t need to carry on acting as his nursemaid. You’ve better things to do.”

Kai looks up quizzically. “Better than passing on what skills I possess, to younger warriors? I can’t think what.”

Now Kai puts it that way, neither can Arthur. 

“What were you teaching him?”

“Oh – I meant to ask you about this. He wanted to learn the axe. He has the strength, and shows some aptitude for it.”

“Why on earth would he want to learn the axe? He’s perfectly competent with a sword.”

Kai smirks. “Unlike you, he thinks my weapon ‘elegant’.” 

“Does he, indeed …” 

Double meanings aside, Arthur reflects that Kai has never tried to teach him to use his weapon. Not that he ever asked. 

“Well, don’t feel you have to carry on tutoring him, on my account.”

“I don’t mind teaching him.”

That was what Arthur feared. “Then you can do it in your own time.”

Then he remembers that he has an excuse to prise Kai away from his acolyte, for one day, at least. 

“Anyway, I’ll need you with me tomorrow, so young Gryphon will have to wait till we get back.”

~~

The next morning, when Kai and Arthur come outside, they find Gryphon waiting by the door once more. 

“Kai – I asked the blacksmith. He promised to knock me something up.”

Arthur’s face darkens. “You did _what?_ ” 

Gryphon quails. “I … um … asked him to make me an axe.”

“Erwyn’s a busy man. You’ve no business asking him for personal favours.” 

“It’s alright, Arthur.” Kai puts a hand on Arthur’s arm. “It’s my fault – this was my idea. I thought he should have his own axe.”

Arthur curbs his obvious irritation. “Fine – I’ll meet you at the stables.” He strides off.

Kai gives Gryphon an apologetic look. “I can’t train with you for a couple of days. Arthur and I have business with Dirk that must be attended to. We’re staying overnight. Won’t be back until tomorrow afternoon.”

For a moment, Gryphon looks as if Kai’s kicked him in the guts. Then he squares his shoulders. “Well, why don’t you come and eat with Meredith and me, in the evening, when you get back? We’d love to have you.”

“That’s very kind.” The thought of Meredith’s cooking is enough to stifle any objections Kai might think of. He slaps Gryphon on the back, and follows Arthur. “Don’t have too much fun while I’m away!”

“Don’t worry,” Gryphon calls after him. “Not much chance of that.”

~~

Dirk may not be the most reliable of allies, but his guest quarters, free from draughts, hung with colourful tapestries, and decorated with ornaments of brass and copper, put their own to shame. 

Kai luxuriates on the smooth bedsheets, and, for once, Arthur, too, seems ready for a bit of self-indulgence. He’s brought two brimming goblets of mead back from the feast. Now, he sets them beside Kai’s bed. While Kai, lying with his arms behind his head, watches with interest, Arthur drags his own bed across the room, and butts it up to Kai’s. 

Then he comes back round to Kai’s side, and, looking down at Kai with hooded eyes, takes a drink from one of the goblets, 

Kai raises an eyebrow. “Do I take it that you’re ‘in the mood’ tonight?” 

“Don’t you want to take advantage of these gloriously comfortable beds?” 

Kai, see no reason why he shouldn’t make Arthur do the heavy lifting for a change, replies, “They’re no more comfortable than our own.” 

Arthur climbs on top of him, and shoves him in the chest. “Playing hard to get? With me, Kai?”

“I know!” Kai smirks. “Who am I to take on the master of the art?”

Arthur’s eyes narrow. “Are we going to get on with this, or not?”

Kai flutters his eyelashes. “Oh, to be so romanced – be still, my beating heart!”

Arthur kisses him savagely on the mouth, and Kai responds in kind, and twists, shoving Arthur onto his back. Arthur resists, trying to stay on top, but Kai uses his weight and longer limbs, and Arthur can snort and buck all he likes – he isn’t going to get his way. 

Kai once again invades Arthur’s mouth, and feels him melt beneath him; that’s when something snaps. Arthur starts tearing wildly at Kai’s clothes, scratching and clawing, as if he can’t get enough, quickly enough. 

“Ssssh … easy,” Kai says. 

But he should know by now: fast and rough is the only way Arthur can bear to do this. 

Soon, their clothes lie strewn about the room, one goblet spilt across the floor, and Arthur, with one arm thrown up, his chest heaving with silent sobs. 

And Kai, sated, but wishing with all his heart that Arthur could bear to look at him while they fuck; that it didn’t always have to end like this.

~~


	5. Chapter 5

After another long and tiring day spent negotiating, to very little end, they arrive home just as Esla brings the evening meal into the longhouse.

“Oh – is it that time already?” Kai goes to the hanging closet, takes out his purple trimmed tunic, and starts getting changed. “Sorry Esla – I should have told you. I’m eating with Gryphon and Meredith.”

Arthur looks up sharply. “Tonight? We’ve only just got back – can’t you wait until tomorrow?”

“They’re expecting me.”

Arthur cocks his head. “Considering Gryphon’s only been here a few days, you’re very thick with him.”

“You told me to get to know him. What better way to know a man, than to break bread with his family?”

Arthur tears off a piece of bread himself, and dips it despondently into his gravy. “I suppose you’re right.”

Kai feels a pang of sympathy. Arthur can’t help the way he is. “Well, why don’t you come too?”

“Was I invited?”

Kai shrugs, and pulls the new tunic straight. “I’m sure Gryphon just thought you’d be too busy. You’re our leader, after all. He’s very much in awe of you. Come along – I’m sure he’ll be pleased.”

~~

Knowing he should refuse – not force his company on his people in their homes – Arthur nevertheless feels sufficiently jealous, not to mention curious about Gryphon, to break one of his own rules.

“Yes, alright – I will.”

Esla sighs, and spreads her hands, exasperated.

As they go to the door, giving her apologetic looks, Llud appears, brushing himself down, and unclasping his sword belt. “So, how’d it go with Dirk?”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “As you’d expect.”

“At least, in his way, he’s reliable,” Llud says dryly. “You two off already?”

“Going to Gryphon and Meredith’s.” Kai sticks his tongue out at Esla. “Why don’t you come too, Llud?” 

Esla glares at Kai over the steaming pot of food.

Llud puts an arm around Esla’s shoulder. “What, and leave all this delicious stuff to go to waste? Off you go! All the more for me!”

~~

Halfway to Gryphon’s hut at the end of the village, Arthur stops. “I don’t know … perhaps I shouldn’t come with you after all. It’s hardly fair.”

“Nonsense!” Kai grabs Arthur’s upper arm and propels him to Gryphon’s door. “Come on! It’ll be fine.” 

But Kai – to his surprise – can’t help noticing a flicker of disappointment on Gryphon’s face, when he sees Arthur on his doorstep. 

“Oh. Arthur …” Meredith brushes hair from her forehead, and straightens her dress. “How good of you to come. But I’m afraid we haven’t prepared anything special for you.”

“No need to go to any trouble,” Arthur assures her.

Nevertheless, they insist on seating him at the head of the table, and Gryphon gives Arthur his whole attention. He asks about his dealings with Dirk; how he came to be leader; about battles fought by him and all his ancestors, and when he gets up to pass the trencher round, he offers Arthur a second portion, then sets it down again, missing Kai completely. 

By the time the meal is over, Kai is starting to feel a little hurt. It’s as if _he’d_ tagged along with Arthur, not the other way round. He sniffs, and gets up to go to the privy.

~~

When Kai leaves the table so abruptly, everyone goes quiet. Arthur searches for things to say. 

“So – Gryphon. You’re learning the axe.”

“Yes, Kai was very keen to teach me.” 

Arthur frowns. Didn’t Kai tell him Gryphon wanted to learn? Why else would Kai want to teach him? Unless … no … that’s ridiculous.

“This is a fine new hut you’ve built.” 

“I don’t like it,” Meredith’s mother, Derowen, pipes up. “I liked my old hut better.”

Puzzled, Arthur says, “Isn’t it better than having a leaking roof?” 

Derowen folds her arms. “What leaking roof? Our old roof never leaked.”

Meredith glances at Gryphon, and then back at Derowen. “Oh, Mother … how could you forget? All that rain coming in?”

“What rain? I haven’t forgotten nothing.” 

“Come on, Mam – it’s time you went to bed.” 

Derowen gets up and hobbles towards a door, grumbling the while about the younger generation. With an apologetic glance at Arthur, Meredith says, “I think I’ll retire, myself, if that’s alright” – and follows her.

“Of course. Sleep well.” Arthur gets up. “I think it’s time I went home too. Don’t want to overstay my welcome!”

“Oh, no, you couldn’t do that!” Gryphon says, a bit too eagerly.

“Nevertheless – goodnight, and thank you.” He takes Gryphon’s hand and shakes it, then heads for the door, where he meets Kai, coming in. 

“Is that it then?”

“Yes, Meredith’s gone to bed, so I think it’s time we left.”

Usually, Kai wouldn’t have put up with being told when it was time to leave, but tonight, for some reason, he acquiesces.

“Goodnight, then, Gryphon. Thank Meredith for a lovely meal.”

“I will. Thanks for coming, both of you.”

On the way back to the longhouse, Arthur says, “I should not have gone with you. It was rude of me to impose.” 

“Well, they seemed more interested in you than they were in me,” Kai says grumpily.

“They were just nervous, I think. Hardly surprising – there’s definitely something odd about those two.”

“You think so? What?”

“Well, wouldn’t you expect newly-weds to sleep in the same bed?”

Kai frowns. “What makes you think they don’t?”

“Meredith retired to bed with her mother. But there’s a bed in the corner of the main room that looks like it must be Gryphon’s. I noticed his sword hanging next to it, and a pair of men’s boots beside it.”

Kai shrugs. “Maybe it’s that time of the month?”

“Perhaps …”

Kai raises an eyebrow. “Well, it’s not our business how they organise their lives.”

Arthur sighs. “I suppose not.”

“You were hoping for some young additions to the village,” Kai says, grinning.

Arthur gives a wry smile. “You know me too well.”

~~


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Kai is heading down to the stables when he hears someone pounding after him. He turns to see Gryphon, with something in his hand.

“Oh, Kai! I’m glad I caught you.” He rests his hands on his knees, while he catches his breath. “I’m sorry if things were a bit awkward last night. We weren’t expecting Arthur to come down from Mount Olympus.” 

“I thought it went alright.”

“Well, it’s good of you to say so, but I think we neglected you.”

Kai shrugs one shoulder. “Not that I –”

“No. We did. I know we did.” Gryphon briefly lays a hand on his shoulder. “Anyway, we meant to give you something, but it didn’t seem right, what with Arthur there, and us with nothing to give him. Here – Meredith made this for you.”

And, with a little flourish, Gryphon offers Kai the item he was carrying – a leather jerkin.

Kai marvels at the workmanship; he can tell before he touches it, that the fine leather will all but melt under his fingertips. For a moment, he doesn’t know what to say. At last, he manages, “Oh … it’s beautiful – but I can’t accept this.”

Gryphon’s face falls. “But why? Don’t you like it?” 

“It’s too much. I haven’t done anything to merit such a handsome gift.”

“Oh, but you have! You’ve looked after me these last few days.” Gryphon’s voice quavers. “Been teaching me new things –”

“But I learned from that as well. You’ve no need to –”

“And getting yourself in trouble over me.”

“What trouble?”

“Well, I get the feeling Arthur’s not been best pleased with you, because of me.”

Kai rolls his eyes, then feels a bit disloyal for it. “That’s just his way. You’ll get used to him.”

Gryphon once again presses the garment towards Kai. “Oh, go on – please take it¬. Meredith’ll be heartbroken if I bring it back!”

“Oh … well, we can’t have the lady upset.” Kai pats his arm. “Give her my thanks. And tell her it’s the best present I’ve ever had.”

“Oh, really? Will you wear it now – so she knows you like it?”

Kai can’t really refuse, and so he pulls the jerkin on, over his blue shirt.

Gryphon immediately calls out, “Meredith! Come out here!”

She peers out of their hut; her face lights up. “It fits! That’s good.”

“What fits?” Arthur strides up from the stables.

Kai’s heart sinks, although he’s not sure why.

“This new jerkin Meredith’s made for me.”

“That’s rather fine. I didn’t know you’d asked her to –”

“I didn’t.”

“It was a gift,” Gryphon puts in. “From me. From both of us, I mean.”

Arthur’s face blanks. He looks from Kai to Meredith, and then at Gryphon. “Kai – with me.”

~~

Arthur walks briskly to the longhouse, so Kai won’t see his face. Gryphon admires Kai. That’s all it is. Unless … no. It’s not possible. This aberration’s his and Kai’s, alone.

When they get inside, he turns on Kai. “So – that’s why you wanted to teach Gryphon the axe?”

“What?”

“You’ve become a mercenary, offering your skills for what you can get in exchange? Is that any way for my second-in-command to behave?”

Kai looks genuinely affronted. “I didn’t offer – Gryphon asked me to teach him, that’s all there was to it.” 

“That’s not what he told me, last night.” 

“Then there must have been some … misunderstanding. I tried to put him off. And when I gave in, I expected nothing in return.” Kai starts stripping off the jerkin. “But I’ll give the damn thing back if you’re going to be like this about it.” 

Arthur raises a placating hand. “No. Leave it. Wear it. I must have been mistaken.”

“Fine.” Kai shrugs back into it. “Was that all you wanted?”

“Yes. Nothing else.” Arthur wonders what’s wrong with him. He passes a hand across his face. Kai has a friend – that isn’t him. That’s all there is to it. “You might as well get on with teaching Gryphon this morning. We can hunt this afternoon.”

Kai takes a step towards him. “Arthur – what’s wrong? Have you got something against Gryphon? Something you’re not telling me?”

Kai’s concern only makes Arthur feel stupid. “No. There’s nothing. I’ve just –” he rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve got a stinking headache, that’s all. Go on – get along with you.”

~~

He tries to see this for what it is – a simple friendship. He’s the leader of the village – of the Celtic people, no less. He should be above these petty rivalries. But since Gryphon arrived, every time Kai mentions his name, it grates upon his nerves, like a minstrel singing out of tune. 

He doesn’t want to know what Gryphon said, or what he did, or even how his axe work is coming along. And every time he sees Kai wearing that leather jerkin, he feels an unreasonable stab of jealousy. 

And Arthur can’t shake this feeling that there’s something more to his unease – something about Gryphon that isn’t right. But it seems that every time he finds himself considering the problem, he looks up to find Gryphon’s wide, innocent, puzzled eyes upon him. It’s driving him a little bit insane. 

~~

A couple of days later, Kai comes yawning to the door of the longhouse, and finds … no one. That’s unusual. 

“Looking for something?” Arthur says – a little sharply, to Kai’s way of thinking.

“Just wondered where Gryphon was. He checks in, most mornings, to see whether I have any free time to spar with him.”

“He left at first light.” 

“Oh?” 

Why does Arthur always dispense as little information as he can?

“Don’t worry. Your playmate will be back in a few days. I sent him to take a message to Brandreth.”

“That’s some dangerous territory he’ll have to negotiate. Who did you send with him?” 

“No one.”

Kai feels sudden anger curdle in his belly. “I can’t believe you’d –”

“Well, you keep telling me what a great fighter he is. And the message was of little consequence.”

Kai feels his fists clench. “Then why did you send him?”

Arthur holds his gaze. “Are you questioning my judgment?”

“Your judgment?” Kai scoffs. “I would never question that. Only your motivation. Was this a _test?_ Or are you hoping that he won’t come back?”

“Of course not.” Nevertheless, Arthur drops his gaze. 

“You seem mightily suspicious of the poor fellow – for no reason I can fathom.”

Arthur purses his lips. “You know, to be honest, I can’t work it out either … there’s just something about him I don’t quite trust. Take care around him, Kai.”

“Alright.” Kai nods. “Well, assuming he gets back.”

Kai has learned that Arthur’s instincts shouldn’t be ignored. He isn’t leader just by chance, or birthright. Still, it seems unfair. Gryphon has done no wrong, and Kai can’t help feeling that there’s more to Arthur’s suspicions of the man than meets the eye.

~~

The next morning, Arthur remarks, “I hope Gryphon gets back soon. Ever since he’s been away, you’ve had a long face.”

And with those words of Arthur’s, Kai realises that, yes, he misses him. He enjoys having someone else to talk to. At least Gryphon doesn’t spend all day pointing out his faults. And Arthur seems so distant these days. If anything, he’s got worse since Gryphon arrived. And he purses his lips whenever he sees Kai wearing that new jerkin. 

Perhaps he’s envious of the gift ...

Kai just happens to have spent last night gambling, and just happens to have had a rare win. Perhaps – this time – he should put the proceeds to good use …

So he goes to call on Meredith.

She looks surprised to see him. “Oh – didn’t you know? Gryphon’s away. Arthur sent –”

“It’s you I’ve come to see.”

Now she looks wary. Perhaps his reputation … “Don’t worry. I just want you to make something for me. Another jerkin, but to fit Arthur.”

“For Arthur?” 

Kai can’t even begin to interpret the expression on her face. 

She drops her gaze. “You’ll look like twins.”

Kai snorts. “With very different hair! But I don’t want one that’s identical. Use your imagination. Make something different, but just as good. Better, if you can! I can pay.” He empties his coin pouch, spilling silver coins onto her table.

She still looks dubious, but the pile of silver – more than she usually sees in one place at a time – seems to convince her. “Half this amount will pay for a jerkin of the finest doeskin. Is that what you want?”

“Yes! Make something fit for a king!”

Meredith raises her eyebrows. “If you say so …”

“And don’t skimp. Take it all.” 

She looks tempted, but still, she pushes some of the coins back to him. “That’s kind, but I couldn’t possibly.”

Kai shrugs, and puts the rejected coins back in the pouch.

“When Gryphon comes home, you must eat with us again.” Meredith looks up at him confidingly. “Just you, this time – alright?”

“Good idea – then I can have a look at how you are getting on, without Arthur seeing it.”

“Yes – of course.”

Pleased with himself, Kai returns to the longhouse, his coin pouch – with just the few coins he has left – jingling in his hand. Perhaps this gift will cheer Arthur up: smooth things over between them.

Arthur eyes him suspiciously. “You look very pleased with yourself. And that pouch sounds emptier than it did this morning.”

“Oh … I … lost it again – most of it, anyway.” Kai shrugs. “You know me!”

“Gambling in the middle of the day?”

Kai bites his lip. “Well, someone reminded me of a debt.” 

He doesn’t like lying to Arthur, but it’s for a good cause. 

“I thought I saw you going into Meredith’s hut. You’re spending a lot of time round there, these days.” Arthur smirks. “I hope you haven’t been taking advantage of Gryphon’s absence.”

Cut to the quick, Kai stows the pouch, and leans across the table, facing Arthur. “I will only say this once. There is nothing between myself and Meredith.” He shakes his head, and walks away, saying over his shoulder, “Nor any other woman, for that matter.”

~~


	7. Chapter 7

After three days, there’s still no sign of Gryphon. Of course, his young friend can more than adequately take care of himself. No reason to worry. 

Nevertheless, Kai finds he can’t settle to anything. Cleaning his axe, he drops it on his left foot, yelps, and hops around the floor. He thanks his stars it was the haft that hit him, and he didn’t lose a toe, but still – it’s damned heavy! 

When he goes to the stables, thinking to mend one of the bridles, the horses sense his edginess. In trying to avoid him, Arthur’s white mare treads on his other foot, then swings her heavy head towards him, catching him on the nose.

As he limps, first on one foot, then the other, towards the longhouse, holding a bloody rag to his face, and feeling a complete fool, he hears hoof-beats. He looks up to see Gryphon’s huge grey coming down the muddy track towards the village.

Gryphon waves cheerily, and Kai – feeling a sudden, unexpected lightening in his chest – grins, and flaps the bloodstained rag in greeting. 

Leaping from his horse, Gryphon hastens towards him, his face suddenly anxious. “You been in the wars?”

“S’nothing. Arthur’s horse and I just had a meeting of our brilliant minds – and noses.”

“But you were limping!” 

Kai shakes his head. “I’m just a clumsy idiot.”

Gryphon’s face softens; he slings an arm around Kai’s shoulder. “No. Don’t say that, Kai – you’re not.” 

Kai snorts, and breaks free, just as Arthur appears from round the armoury. 

“Kai, not a clumsy idiot?” A bright smile appears on Arthur’s face. “Since when?” 

Kai sees Gryphon’s eyes spark with sudden anger. Fortunately, Arthur seems not to have noticed, and the young man quickly turns to his horse, and starts loosening the girth. 

“All well with Brandreth?” Arthur demands. 

“Fine,” Gryphon says.

“Well, come to the longhouse, and report, when you’ve finished there.”

“I’ll go and see my wife first, if that’s alright with you.” 

Arthur raises an eyebrow. “Alright. But don’t be too long.”

Gryphon pulls the saddle off, and leads his horse towards the stables without another word.

Arthur turns to Kai. “What’s wrong with our young friend?”

Kai shrugs. “He’s probably just tired. I’ll go and have a word with him.”

Arthur nods. “You do that.”

~~

Kai lopes after Gryphon. “Meredith’s invited me to eat with you tonight.”

Gryphon’s eyes light up. “Just you?”

“Yes, just me.”

Why is that so important to him? 

“Um … Gryphon?”

“Yes, Kai?”

“Arthur’s our leader. You need to keep your temper when he speaks to you.”

“But it makes me so mad when he insults you like that!”

“Yes, well …” Kai laughs sheepishly. “It makes me mad too, sometimes, but when it comes to Arthur, you have to let me fight my own battles!”

“Sorry, Kai. I know it’s not my place.”

“No need to apologise. Just – be a bit conciliatory when you see Arthur. Tell him you were tired, alright?”

Gryphon nods. “I suppose you’re right. It’s not like it would be a lie.”

“Well, perhaps I should come another night.” 

“No!” Gryphon grips Kai’s wrist. “Come tonight! I haven’t seen you for ages.”

“But you and Meredith –”

“Please, Kai – I need to talk to you in private.”

“Yes, alright.” Kai frowns. 

Perhaps Arthur has a point; something about Gryphon’s a little odd. 

~~

This time, when Kai tells him he’s eating with Gryphon, Arthur grits his teeth, and stays at home.

~~

 

When Meredith has cleared away the meal, she bids them goodnight, and once again, joins her mother in the back room, to sleep.

“I hope Derowen isn’t ill,” Kai hazards.

“No, she’s fine.”

So … Arthur was right; they don’t sleep together. 

Gryphon watches him steadily – guessing at his thoughts, it seems. “I know – it’s an odd arrangement. But it suits us both. I … er … I snore, see? Really loud!”

Kai has no reason to doubt him, yet he does.

Then Gryphon does the last thing Kai expects; he goes to a trunk in the corner, fetches a lyre, then sits down across from Kai, and starts to play, and sing. 

“Over the mountains  
And over the waves,  
Under the fountains  
And under the graves,  
Under floods that are deepest,  
Which Neptune obey   
Over rocks which are the steepest,  
Love finds out the way.”

In fact, Gryphon sings beautifully, his voice deep and rich, and aching – but for what?

“Where there’s no place  
For the glow-worm to lie,  
Where there’s no space  
For receipt of a fly,  
Where gnat dares not venture,  
Lest herself fast she lay,  
If Love comes, he will enter,  
And finds out the way.”

Kai stares into the fire, and wonders whether it’s true: that love finds out the way’, however difficult and straightened the path. 

“Some think to lose him  
Or have him confined  
Some do suppose him,  
Poor thing, to be blind;  
But if ne'er so close ye wall him,  
Do the best that you may,  
Blind Love, if so ye call him,  
Will find out his way.”

Will his love for Arthur, and Arthur’s for him – if, indeed, Arthur loves him at all, which Kai often doubts – find a way to grow and flourish? Or will they remain forever trapped, in this tug of war: of avowal and denial? 

“You may train the eagle  
To stoop to your fist.  
You may train and inveigle   
The Phoenix of the east.  
The lioness, you may move her  
To give o'er her prey;  
But you'll ne'er stop a lover;  
He will find out his way.”

Perhaps he just needs to show more stoicism; more patience; more determination. He rubs his hands along his thighs, then glances up, and sees that Gryphon has laid his lyre across his knees, and is now gazing straight at him. 

Kai looks away.

Gryphon huffs out a breath. “Was my singing that bad?”

“No – No! You have a good voice. It’s just … well, why don’t you sing something less sad?”

Gryphon plucks a few discordant notes. “Sorry, Kai – I don’t know any happy songs.”

“Not one?”

Gryphon sets the lute carefully aside. “To tell you the truth, Kai, I haven’t had a happy life. My father ... he drank too much. And he used to beat me.” He holds up and hand. “Not just a normal leathering, like everyone gets. And my poor mother – she got the worst of it. I was glad when he died. But there were other men after that … they were just the same.” He drops his gaze. “I think that’s where I get my bad temper.”

Unused to such confidences – at least, from other men – Kai feels something inside him shift; some defences of his own begin to fall away. He leans forward, his elbows on his knees, giving Gryphon his full attention.

“Well, you’re safe now. Best … try to forget about it, eh?”

“I suppose you’re right.” Gryphon sniffs, and seems to pull himself together. “Anyway, why do you think the song is sad? ‘Love will find a way’ – that’s good isn’t it?”

“Only if it’s true.” On the verge of telling Gryphon everything – spilling his and Arthur’s guts out on the hearth – Kai takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. Arthur would kill him, if he did. “Still, I suppose love _has_ found a way – at least, for you.”

“Has it?” Gryphon’s eyes grow bright. He leans forward, towards Kai. “I’m not sure how you mean.”

Kai wonders if he’s had too much to drink, and started talking nonsense. “For you and Meredith – your marriage, of course.”

Gryphon seems to deflate. “Yes, she’s a good woman.” 

Kai is glad, for poor Meredith’s sake, that she wasn’t in the room to hear this half-hearted endorsement. 

Gryphon heaves a sigh. “I’m feeling a bit tired now, Kai – do you mind?”

“Of course not.” Kai gets to his feet. “Thank you for the meal.”

Gryphon accompanies him to the door. “See you tomorrow, then?”

“Of course!” He pats Gryphon on the arm. “Try not to dwell too much on the past.”

“Thanks, Kai. You’re right, of course. It’s … it’s just hard. It gets me down sometimes.”

Kai nods. “I know.” 

He offers Gryphon a hand to shake. Somehow, they end up in a clumsy embrace, and – in the moment when they break apart – Kai sees that Gryphon means to kiss him. He waits, suspended on a breath, but Gryphon seems to lose his nerve. He grips Kai’s shoulders, and holds him at a distance.

“Goodnight then, Kai.”

“Um … goodnight.” 

Kai backs away, Gryphon’s yearning gaze holding him, until it becomes ridiculous. Kai lets out a short laugh, raises a hand, turns, and – awash with feelings he can’t or daren’t name – negotiates the village, without knowing how he does it. 

Gryphon wants him. 

It’s as if dark clouds had parted, to reveal an azure sky, crossed all about with rainbows; the ground feels a hundred miles beneath his feet. 

That another man – not Arthur – might want him in that way, never occurred to Kai, nor what he would do about it, if that situation came to pass. But all the things that have been puzzling him over the last few weeks – even Arthur’s wariness of Gryphon – suddenly make sense. It seems that Arthur knew, in his marrow, what was going on, before Kai did.

And though he’s done no witting wrong, Kai realizes that his friendship has led Gryphon on, and made Arthur insecure and jealous. And what of Meredith? Would she be heartbroken if she knew? Or did she marry just to silence the wagging tongues about the village?

As for his own feelings … when he saw the desire in Gryphon’s eyes, Kai knew that if Gryphon had kissed him, he would have kissed him back. For that, he _should_ feel guilty – and he would, but for his growing fear that he and Arthur will never find happiness together. And even if they do, Arthur may one day marry, leaving him alone once more.

Arthur has never sung to him of love, and never will. 

Reaching the longhouse door, Kai realises that he’d completely forgotten that he was supposed to check on Arthur’s new jerkin.

~~


	8. Chapter 8

Kai knows not what he dreamed about, but when he wakes, and looks across at Arthur, still asleep, with that slightly vexed expression on his face, he makes a decision that hurts more than he could have expected: this thing with Gryphon has to end before it begins. The brief euphoric shedding of his bonds last night was a chimera. He belongs to Arthur. If he gives in to these confusing feelings, and lets Gryphon hope, and Arthur stew, disaster will result. That wouldn’t be fair to any one of them.

So, for the next few days, Kai finds things to do that don’t involve coaching his protégé. He sees Gryphon watching him from a distance, and knows the yearning in the young man’s eyes for what it is, but Gryphon, seeming to understand, doesn’t approach, or ask him what’s wrong. 

Kai picks a time when he knows Gryphon has duties elsewhere, and visits Meredith to collect Arthur’s jerkin.

“I hope you don’t mind – I made a tunic instead, so it would really be different.”

She holds it up for his inspection; Kai can’t complain – it’s a lovely piece of work. 

As she folds it up for him, she says tentatively, “We don’t see much of you these days. Would you come and eat with us again tonight?”

Kai bites his lip. “I’m sorry … I don’t really have the time. Arthur’s keeping me very busy, and –” 

He reaches for the tunic, but Meredith clasps it to her chest. 

“What about tomorrow, then?”

Kai drops his gaze. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” 

“Gryphon misses you, you know.” Meredith puts a pleading hand on his arm. “He used to enjoy his axe lessons. Now –”

“Meredith, you’re his wife. Don’t you mind him …” Kai tails off, not sure how to put this.

She shakes her head. “Kai – you know me. I’ve been alone all my life. It’s been hard, but – men … don’t really interest me. Last autumn, when Herward’s lot came to seal that pact with Arthur, that’s when I met Gryphon. He understood me.” She looks him in the eye. “I want him to be happy. So if he thinks you are the one for him –”

“I’m not.” Kai feels as if he’s crushing a flower beneath his heel. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to make Gryphon think otherwise.”

Her upper lip trembling, Meredith thrusts the tunic into his hands, gives him a shove, and shuts the door behind him. 

~~

Meredith must have told Gryphon what passed between them, because, the next day, the lad looks even more miserable than before. His friendship with Kai has set him apart; people resented that a newcomer suddenly seemed so thick with one of their leaders. Now, he mopes about alone, seeming unable or unwilling to make new friends. 

Kai feels so sorry for him that one morning, seeing Gryphon trudging along the path ahead, he hails him. “Gryphon! Are you still practicing with your axe?”

But Gryphon doesn’t even turn his head. 

And then, the next day, Kai sees Gryphon with a new companion: young Dafydd. The two of them shoot wary glances at him, talk like conspirators, behind their hands, then turn away.

Kai knows he ought to feel relieved. Better that Gryphon hate him – even turn people against him – than be sad. All the same, it hurts a bit, and though he’s dropped Gryphon, things with Arthur don’t get any better. 

He’d find it easier to bear if the weather weren’t so humid; if he didn’t feel like he were treading water.

One evening, he finds himself alone with Arthur on the longhouse porch. Everything seems ominously quiet, and the incessant chirping of the crickets only serves to give form to the silence between them. 

Kai gets to his feet, shoves his hands in his pockets, and digs out his pair of ‘lucky’ dice. “Arthur …” 

“Yes?”

“About us ….”

Arthur doesn’t even look up from what he’s doing – cleaning some long-dried mud from his boots. “What _about_ us?”

Kai rolls the dice against each other, in the palm of his hand. “Where do you think we’ll be … ten years from now?”

Arthur dislodges a particularly stubborn clod. “Dead, most likely.”

“But … if we’re not. Will we still be –?”

“What?” 

Though Arthur’s tone invites him to drop the subject, Kai persists.

“Oh, I don’t know. Like this. Like we are now.”

“Not likely. You’ll probably be married, with six or seven brats about your heels.”

Kai balances the dice on the porch rail, snake eyes facing towards them, and pushes them together. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

Kai sniffs. “Well, what about you?”

Arthur sighs. “I don’t know.” He glances sidelong at Kai. “Maybe I’ll marry Rowena.”

Kai cocks an eyebrow. “She might say no.”

For a moment, Arthur looks affronted, then he shrugs. “She might. I suppose I’ll find someone.”

“Well, you don’t have to marry. You could train a successor. Then we could ...”

Arthur puts the boot down carefully, and looks at him with eyes dark as obsidian, and just as hard. “Carry on like _this?_ ”

“Well, not exactly.” Kai leans against the rail, facing him. “What is it you want from me, Arthur?”

Arthur’s throat works, as if he’s swallowing the words he wants to say.

“If it’s the village girls, just say the word – say it’s me you want – and I’ll forswear them, from now on.”

“Village girls!” Arthur gets up and looks him in the eye. “Do what the hell you like. Why should I care?” 

He walks away.

Kai punches the longhouse door until he makes his knuckles bleed.

~~

It’s not just Arthur; everyone seems fractious. Minor squabbles start up all over the village. Conyn falls out with Owen, his best friend; Morvan unjustly suspects his wife; all the young women shun poor Gwenda, and every conversation feels like a walk through a patch of briars and stinging nettles.

“We need a good storm,” Llud says, mopping sweat off his brow: “– then things will settle down, you’ll see.” 

But each day feels tight as a drum, as if the sky were slowly pressing down, squeezing the life out of the land.

One sultry afternoon, Kai steps outside to find Rhys and Gavyn with their hands about each other’s throats, surrounded by a yelling crowd, urging them on, as each tries to get the upper hand with a sly kick, or unexpected head butt.

Kai wades in, drags them apart, and yells for Llud and Arthur.

They make the warring villagers – Rhys, with what will grow up to be an impressive black eye, and Gavyn, wiping blood from a split lip – sit around the longhouse table. 

With a face like storm on the mountains, Arthur says softly, “What’s all this about?”

“He started it!” Rhys points a shaking finger at Gavyn. “He said my wife – well, I can’t even repeat what he said.” 

“Your wife? Who cares about your wife? Why would I bother talking about that vindictive –”

“Why, you –”

“Enough!” Arthur slams his fist down on the table

Still, Gavyn grumbles on, “Anyway, you insulted my horse …” 

“I did not!”

“It’s all over the village!”

“What in the name of God is wrong with you two?” Arthur demands. “Your families have been friends for generations.”

“Generations too long.”

“Your lot have always been a tricky bunch of –”

Chairs crash to the floor, as the men leap to their feet.

At the end of his tether, Arthur thunders, “STOP! I WILL have order!”

Chastened, the men sit down again, though they continue to look darkly at each other.

“I don’t know what the truth of the matter is, and I don’t care to. I do know, it’s disrupting the peace of this village, and if I hear of any more brawling – never mind who starts it – there’ll be extra duties for everyone involved. Is that clear?”

The men nod abruptly.

“Now get out!”

They bundle each other through the door, turning their complaints against Arthur, instead of each other.

~~

Arthur sighs, sits down in his big chair, and lays his head on his arms. He hears a dragging noise, then a rustling, then he feels Kai’s hand upon his shoulder.

“Arthur …”

He raises his head wearily. “What is it?” 

“I have something for you.”

“If it’s a cup of hemlock, I’ll gladly drink it.”

“Oh, come on – things aren’t that bad!”

“What’s wrong with everyone these days, Kai? I’m sure my father never had this trouble.”

“It’s just this heat – it’s cooking the men’s brains inside their skulls.”

Arthur nods. “It is oppressive. But it’s more than that. Perhaps it’s me … perhaps my time as leader’s coming to an end.”

“Nonsense! Who else is fit for the task? Conyn? Morvan? How long d’you think they’d last?”

“Oh, I don’t know … how about you? The men like you.”

“Arthur, I couldn’t put up with dealing with Mark and Dirk and all that lot! I couldn’t even keep order in the village like you do.¬”

“Well, it’s not getting any easier.” Arthur rubs his temples. “Kai, I know you’ll think I’m imagining this, but I can’t help feeling things have been more difficult since Gryphon’s been here.”

Kai seems to flinch when he speaks Gryphon’s name, then sets about examining his fingernails.

“Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you training him for a few days. Have you two fallen out?”

Kai scoffs. “Fallen out? Of what? No – he’s just … taken enough of my time.”

Arthur’s heart lightens. “Well, I’m glad you’ve realised that.”

“Forget Gryphon! Look!” With that, Kai unwraps a bundle, and lays out a garment for his inspection. 

Arthur examines it. “This is more of Meredith’s excellent work, if I’m not mistaken. She must be in love with you!”

“It’s not for me, Arthur – I had her make it for you.”

At first, Arthur feels a surge of joy at such a handsome gift, but then the voice of his self-doubt tells him he’s done nothing to earn it. 

“Why did you do that?”

Kai frowns. “Why do you think?”

Then, as so often, barbed thoughts, passing as a joke, slip from his tongue too readily. “I don’t know … perhaps you’re feeling guilty about something!” 

As the longhouse door slams shut, Arthur leaps up, thinking to rush out after Kai.

But how would _that_ look? 

So he sits down, absently fondling the fine leather of his gift, and wishing he were someone else entirely.

~~


	9. Chapter 9

Feeling ready to explode – either that, or beat Arthur senseless – Kai shoves the doorkeeper out of his way, and hurtles down the longhouse steps. 

A group of women, gossiping near the trough, turn and stare, as angry tears threaten to unman him. He runs, stumbling, getting up and running on again – not knowing or caring where – until he leaves the village behind. At last he comes, gasping, to a halt.

He wants to kill Arthur. He wants to throw him to the ground and make him … make him … what? 

Make Arthur love him; trust him; respect him. 

He drops to his knees, hands grasping at the earth beneath him. Why can’t Arthur just love him, and let himself be loved?

As thunder rumbles in the distance, Kai is hit by a revelation that pre-empts the lightning: he could wait till Doomsday, and still, Arthur would never speak those three small words he longs to hear. Then the sky turns white, and Kai comes to a decision. He won’t wait any longer – won’t sit and take it any more, like some pathetic, unappreciated wife. 

Gryphon wants him? Gryphon shall have him – and may the gods damn all three of them. 

So Kai goes to the bank of a small brook, splashes cold water on his face, and straightens his tunic. As luck would have it, Gryphon is on watch, at the eastern border, only a mile from here. So Kai sets off in the direction of the lookout post: a cave in a hillside, facing east. 

As he picks his way through the woods, the elements seem to conspire to stop him going through with this. A wind comes up, whipping dust and branches in his face. Roots trip him; brambles snag his clothes; a sudden hail shower splatters down. 

But that just makes him more determined to go on. He doesn’t know where this will lead – only that he wants something … something for himself.

~~

The door bangs open. 

“Kai?” Arthur drops his knife, and turns.

But it’s just Llud who enters. 

Arthur quickly schools his features. “Oh – I … had something I wanted Kai to do –”

“Arthur …” Llud shakes his head. “Don’t give me that steaming pile of horseshit!”

“I don’t know what you mean –”

“I know you think I’m an old relic, and don’t understand anything about … well, anything! But I was young once, too. Something’s troubling you. You _can_ talk to me, you know.”

“About what?” Arthur studies the new marks he’s studiously spent the last hour gouging in the table, with his knife.

“About what’s wrong, of course – between you and Kai.”

Arthur shoots a brief glance at Llud. “What do you mean – between us?”

“Come on, Arthur. I’m not blind. And don’t flatter yourself that you’re the first man who’s ever decided he prefers the company of other men. And, yes, in case there’s any doubt, I mean in bed.”

Arthur feels his face redden. He’d hoped never to have to talk about such things, and most especially not with Llud. Yet his father raised the matter of his own accord – as if it were – 

“But isn’t it … wrong?”

“I don’t know where you got that idea.” Llud snorts. “Well, perhaps I do. Your father sent you to the monks to learn your letters, but I’ll bet they taught you more than that. Not that they practice what they preach, from what I’ve heard.”

“So … you don’t think it’s an abomination?”

Llud raises an eyebrow. “More importantly – what do you think?”

Arthur plays Devil’s Advocate. “Well, what if everybody felt this way? There’d be no children to take over.”

“But everybody doesn’t, do they? Is this what’s been troubling you, all these years?”

Arthur bites his lip. “It hasn’t made things any easier …”

“Well, to my mind, what two people choose to do behind closed doors, is no one’s business but their own. The gods – or god, if you prefer – would do well to keep their noses out of it. I’d have thought the deities had better things to do than poking around in our bedchambers.”

“I’d never thought of it like that.” Arthur looks intently at his fingernails, and starts cleaning beneath them with his knife. “You say, we’re not the first …”

“Are you asking me to tittle-tattle like an old woman? Would you like the same done of you?”

“No, I would not. But that’s the trouble – part of it, anyway. I’m the leader, I have responsibilities. How would it look if word got round –”

“Suffice to say, there’s many a Celtic chief’s been known to get more than his nipples sucked by his ‘vassals’.” 

Arthur had heard of this old custom. It’s not one he means to encourage Dirk, or Mark of Cornwall, to observe. But Kai … His lips quirk.

Llud tousles his hair. “That’s more like it.”

“So … you don’t disapprove?”

“I want both my sons to be happy. There’s enough trouble and sadness in this world. Allow yourselves to find joy where you can.”

~~

Heart thudding in his throat, Kai reaches the cave mouth. He stops, takes a deep breath, then goes in, and finds Gryphon, sitting at the small table, with his head on his arms – asleep. 

“Gryphon!”

“What?” His head snaps up. Making a grab for his sword, he turns. “Oh … Kai.” His face runs the gauntlet of relief, embarrassment, and then, dismay. 

Kai shakes his head. “This is how you keep watch?”

“Please don’t tell Arthur!” 

Kai heaves a sigh. Another secret to keep from him; it may not be the last. 

“Alright – I won’t tell him. Just this once.” 

“Oh, thank you. I do appreciate it.” Gryphon gets to his feet. “Look, Kai – I know things have been a bit awkward, and you’re angry with me, about … you know … that night –”

“No, I’m not angry, it’s just that –” 

“I understand. It’s just not … normal, is it?” Gryphon raises his arms, then lets them fall. “I’m not normal.”

“You’re not quite as unusual as you think.” Kai looks him in the eye. “That’s why I came.”

“Oh … really?” Gryphon’s eyes widen. His chest heaves, once. Then he takes a step towards Kai, leans tentatively forward, and kisses him.

Kai feels such tender adoration in Gryphon’s kiss – it’s too much. He tries to draw back, but Gryphon grips his shoulders, and backs him up against the stone of the cave wall, not violently, but firmly. Kai can’t summon up the will to resist. He tangles his fingers in the long black silk of Gryphon’s hair, and, letting the young man’s passion sweep him up, he kisses back, softly at first, then deeper, his tongue grazing the roof of Gryphon’s mouth.

Their bodies move in rhythm; Gryphon reaches up under his tunic, eager to know him, thumbing his nipple; both men groan and thrust against each other. 

Gryphon pulls away, looks into his eyes, then sinks to his knees. He runs his hands up the insides of Kai’s thighs.

Kai feels himself melt into the rock. He can’t recall a time when someone touched him with such unabashed desire. As though he’s cresting a great surging tide, his heart expands with gratitude, but when he feels Gryphon fumbling with his breeches, he freezes for a moment, gripping Gryphon’s wrists. 

Gryphon looks up, bewildered. “I thought –”

“I know … it’s just –” 

Kai closes his eyes, breathing in the smell of rain and wet leaves, and listening to the wind whipping around the hilltop. What would Arthur say, if he could see him? Would it trouble him at all? ‘Do what the hell you like. Why should I care?’ Didn’t he say that, just a few days ago? 

In his heart, Kai knows Arthur would boil with jealous rage; it almost stops him in his tracks. Then he reminds himself of all the slights and insults he’s endured. 

Arthur has brought this on himself. 

‘And Gryphon?’ his conscience wants to know. ‘Does he deserve to be so used?’

Then Gryphon murmurs, “Please, Kai …” and rubs his face against Kai’s groin.

Kai’s never felt a man’s mouth on his cock till now. 

He sucks in a sharp breath. “Do it.”

He feels Gryphon roll his breeches down, place a kiss on his left hip, and then another, closer to his sac. Then Gryphon’s mouth engulfs him in wet heat. Gryphon sucks eagerly, grazes him with his teeth, then lets Kai slip out, mumbling an apology.

Kai shudders; grasps himself. He opens his eyes and looks down at Gryphon, on his knees, his face hidden by his long black locks; he lays a hand on Gryphon’s head. “Easy … take it easy.”

Gryphon slows his movements, lapping at Kai’s foreskin with his tongue. He tilts his head back a little, his eyes, dark and liquid, looking up at Kai as if he were his god. 

Kai groans, and starts to come. Gryphon gags, then swallow everything, and as Kai jerks, and gives it up, he feels, ‘I love you’ rising in his throat. Knowing it for what it is – his tarse talking – he chokes it back. 

Gryphon pulls off, wipes his mouth. “I love you, Kai.”

And with those words, he plunges Kai from heaven down to hell. “I …”

Gryphon takes a deep breath, and gets slowly to his feet. He couldn’t look more sad if Kai had killed his horse in front of him. Still, he lays a finger to Kai’s lips, then puts his arms around him.

Feeling like the complete bastard that he is, Kai lays his head on Gryphon’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I can’t –” 

“It’s alright.” Gryphon rubs between Kai’s shoulder blades. “I know you don’t love me. How could you? Someone of your standing. But maybe, one day, I’ll be worthy of you.”

“Don’t speak so! You are not unworthy.”

If only Gryphon were angry! Anything but this quiet acceptance, while all the while, Gryphon’s cock presses against him, like a bar of iron. 

“At least, let me take care of this.”

“Oh, Kai, would you?”

“It’s the least I can do.”

Gryphon bites his lip. “I’ve never … had a woman. Would you let me … I mean … not that you’re a woman, but –”

Taken by surprise, Kai feels he can’t, in all conscience, refuse. He nods briefly. 

The situation’s spinning out of his control.

Gryphon takes off his cloak. “Let’s put this on the ground.” He lays it out.

Kai breaks out in a cold sweat. His heart thunders in his ears. Somehow, he’s ended up promising Gryphon something even Arthur hasn’t had. Wishing he were somewhere else, Kai sits down, and slowly takes off his left boot.

Then Gryphon starts stripping off his breeches. 

Kai feels his eyes go wide. He almost laughs, but not in merriment. Gryphon’s cock, longer than his own, is like an oak in girth. Feeling it was one thing – seeing it … he isn’t sure this mighty rod would ever fit inside him: not with the best will, and all the pig fat in the world – neither of which he can supply.

“Um … Gryphon … we don’t have anything to ease you in.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’d need some oil or grease, otherwise it can be quite painful. Not just for me.” 

Gryphon looks desperate. His huge weapon points at Kai in mute accusation. 

“We could …” 

Kai tries to steel himself, but he can even bear to take Gryphon in his mouth. It feels so wrong. 

It isn’t Arthur … 

But he can’t leave the poor boy like this.

Kai pats the blanket. “Lie down with me.”

Gryphon kneels beside him, takes Kai’s hands in his, and lowers his head. “You don’t want me. Not even a bit.”

“Gryphon, I’m so sorry. I meant to … honestly I did. But … to tell the truth, there’s someone else –”

“Arthur.” 

The name lands like an anvil falling from the sky; Kai doesn’t answer. 

“I’d hoped it wasn’t so.” Gryphon’s eyes glisten. 

It’s hard, to see such a big man, reduced to weeping. Kai gets to his knees, and kisses him. Gryphon shoves him away, but Kai tries again, pressing him to the blanket; taking his prick in hand.

Gryphon throws an arm over his face. “Leave me alone.” 

“Let me at least do this for you, Sweetheart.”

“Don’t –” Gryphon’s chest shakes with a mighty sob. “Don’t call me that. Not if you don’t mean it.”

“But I _do_ mean it. Any man should count himself fortunate to win your love. I do. And I came here, thinking I could accept what you had offered – but I find I can’t. I’m truly sorry.”

“So, why are you still here?” Gryphon says bleakly.

Kai makes a helpless gesture. “I don’t know. You’ve been a friend to me. Made me see things differently – told me things I needed to be told. I don’t want to leave you in distress.”

“Then don’t leave me.”

Kai heaves a heartfelt sigh. “I’m so sorry. It’s me who is unworthy.” 

“You’re not! Don’t ever think that!” Gryphon looks up at Kai, his eyes red-rimmed. “And I’ll always be your friend, Kai – if you’ll let me.”

Kai nods. “Thank you. But please, as a friend, let me do this for you. Come on – you’ll feel better.”

Gryphon drops his gaze. “If you say so.”

So as the rain falls softly, and the wind dies to a whisper, they lie face to face, and Kai takes him in hand again, and Gryphon rests his forehead on Kai’s neck, as Kai eases him through.

~~

He leaves Gryphon staring out into the dark. It’s not for long – his relief should soon arrive, then he can go home to Meredith … lick his wounds. 

Kai trudges on, getting soaked and soaked again, as each tree he passes drops its drenching burden from its branches. It’s no more nor less than he deserves. He feels ashamed for taking advantage of the man he leaves behind. He can’t bear to go home and face anyone yet – especially not Arthur¬. So he walks, through woods and fields, his mind churning like a mill wheel, under the heavy clouds that block out the moon. 

Gryphon still wants to be his friend. But how can he face Gryphon every day? And Arthur will surely know there’s something wrong. 

Perhaps he should just summon up the guts to leave – the village, Arthur, everything. Start a new life. But to go through with that would break his heart, and Llud’s. Arthur’s too, whatever he might tell Kai to his face.

But if that’s true, why is their life together so full of strife?

~~


	10. Chapter 10

It must be nearly midnight by the time Kai pushes through the longhouse door.

Llud, sitting by the fire, warming his hands, looks up. “My gods, you look like a drowned dog. Come here, and get dry. Where’ve you been? ”

“Sorry – I just … I needed to think.”

So now he’s had to lie to Llud as well. One more thing to feel guilty about.

“What’s on your mind, Son?”

Kai takes his cloak off, and stands near the fire, his clothes steaming. “Arthur … and my place in this village.”

“Ahhh.” Llud nods. 

“What does that mean?”

“Lot of responsibility, for such young shoulders.”

Kai nods slowly. “Yes, I know he has.”

“I meant you, as well as Arthur.”

Kai shrugs.

“Don’t dismiss your contribution. Arthur values the support you give him. He looks up to you.”

Kai purses his lips, but still says nothing.

“You think he doesn’t show it?”

Kai snorts. “He shows a lot of things, but that isn’t one of them.”

“Perhaps he doesn’t realise you need him to. You are his older brother, after all. In many ways, you’ve been _his_ leader, for most of his life.”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

“You’ve always made friends easily … had more confidence.” 

Kai sits down, and stares into the fire, feeling Llud watching him, the way he always does when he wants Kai to work something out for himself.

It must be hard for Arthur, to rely on him so totally, both for friendship, and for love. Perhaps it’s natural if he fears to give himself completely.

Kai nods slowly.

“Going to have a drink?” Llud indicates the barrel in the corner.

Kai takes a deep breath. “No … it’s late. I’ll go to bed.”

“I think I’ll sleep in here tonight.” 

Llud often sleeps in the main room; he says he finds it warmer, so Kai thinks nothing of it.

“Goodnight Llud – and thank you.”

Kai treads softly into the bedroom, but Arthur rolls over, and opens sleepy eyes.

“Kai?”

“Yes, it’s me. Sorry I woke you.”

“No, I was awake. I was … I was waiting for you.”

Kai’s heart skips a beat. Does Arthur know? Already?

“Come to bed. Please.”

“What?” 

Of all the nights Arthur could have chosen … “Are you sure?” 

“About what I said before … my stupid suspicions. You’ve done nothing to deserve such treatment, and … I’m sorry. Truly I am.”

The earth moves beneath Kai’s feet. An apology … now, when he least merits it. Kai turns away.

“Kai? Am I too late?”

He sounds so lost. 

“Too late? No.” Kai runs a hand through his hair. “Don’t mind me.” He sits on the edge of Arthur’s bed. “I’m just tired, that’s all.” 

“Then come and lie beside me. I just want to feel you near.”

Usually, Arthur only permits such intimacy when there’s no chance of anybody walking in. 

“What about Llud?”

“We spoke. Llud … understands.”

“Oh?” Kai raises an eyebrow. He would like to have heard _that_ conversation!

“He … sees nothing wrong in what we do.”

“And you?”

“Well, he put some things into perspective.”

Better that conversation had taken place ten years ago. 

“Alright then.”

His back turned, Kai strips off his boots and tunic. He glances down at himself, as if Arthur might know of his betrayal, just by looking at him. But Gryphon left no mark upon his body; how could Arthur tell? 

Kai quickly gets under the covers, and lies flat on his back, beside Arthur.

Arthur shuffles closer. 

Llud isn’t the only one who’s been indulging in the mead tonight. Arthur’s breath is sweet with it, as he leans over and kisses him. He doesn’t say, ‘I love you’, but Kai sees it shining in his eyes, and feels it on his lips. And what should be the happiest moment of his life is tainted with his shame, and the fear that Arthur will find out what he’s done.

Arthur studies his face. “What’s wrong, Kai?”

“Nothing … I’m just … you took me by surprise.” But he can’t look Arthur in the eye.

“I know I’ve been hard on you. Do you think we might start again – you and I?”

Kai feels tears behind his eyes. “I’d like that very much.”

Arthur gives a slight smile. “Tomorrow, then. Goodnight, Kai.”

“Goodnight, Arthur.”

~~

Arthur wakes at dawn, and hears Kai making snuffling noises in his sleep. In the light filtering through the rafters, Arthur sees a dark hair lying across Kai’s nose, making it twitch. He reaches across to remove the annoyance. It’s so long, at first he thinks it must have come from Kai’s horse’s mane or tail, but … it’s not thick enough for that.

With a sinking feeling, Arthur gets out of bed, takes the hair outside, into the growing light, and studies it. 

“I’ll kill him,” he murmurs. “I’ll kill him, with my bare hands.” 

Pure fury carries Arthur to the door of Gryphon’s hut. He hammers on it. 

Almost at once, Meredith appears. She looks weary and disheveled, but Arthur feels no sympathy.

“ _Where_ is he?” 

“Gryphon?” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. He left before first light. Said he’d send for me. What has he done, Arthur?”

Arthur snorts. “No, I don’t suppose he _would_ have told you.”

He leaves her gawping, and strides down to the stables to fetch his horse.

~~

The night watchmen saw Gryphon ride out of the village, heading west, just a short time ago.

“Going like the devil was after him!” Rhys says.

“As well he might,” Arthur replies through gritted teeth. 

“Hah!” His horse leaps forward, and they thunder out of the village, down the track. 

In a strange way, he feels relieved that his distrust of Gryphon wasn’t a mistake.

What he’s going to do when he confronts him, Arthur isn’t sure. He’d like to tear him limb from limb. But – damn his sense of fairness – on what grounds?

Of course, if Gryphon’s fool enough to draw his weapon first ... 

But who is he really angry with? 

His own words haunt him: ‘Do what the hell you like. Why should I care?’ 

_He_ drove Kai into Gryphon’s arms. 

In the growing light, his fury starts to cool. And after all, it’s just a hair … it might mean nothing more than an embrace, between friends. 

But then, why would Gryphon leave in such a hurry? 

Two and a half miles from the village, Arthur rides out from among the trees, and sees Gryphon’s big grey horse on the horizon. It comes to a halt; Gryphon turns in his saddle, and looks back. 

Arthur can’t see his expression, but Gryphon must have seen him, because he disappears at once, over the brow of the hill. 

From what Arthur’s seen of him, they’re well-matched: his skill and experience, against Gryphon’s youth and strength. Yet Gryphon seems to be afraid. Why would he be afraid, if he’d done nothing wrong?

His anger surging back, Arthur urges his tiring horse to the top of the rise, and looks down to see Gryphon, half a mile ahead, his grey making the best speed it can.

**_“GRYPHON!”_**

Gryphon looks back; his horse stumbles, pitching him off, and as he scrambles to his feet, Arthur sends his own mount flying down the hill.

This time, Gryphon doesn’t try to flee; he just stands waiting, hands limp by his sides, not on his sword hilt. 

He looks so hapless that it takes the wind from Arthur’s sails; when he reaches him, he can’t think what to say: only, “Where do you think you’re going?”

Gryphon shakes his head. His lip trembles. “I don’t know.” 

Arthur dismounts, keeping his eyes on Gryphon the whole time. “You pledged allegiance to me, did you not?”

Gryphon hangs his head. “I did. I should have asked before leaving. But will you release me from that pledge?”

“Why?” Arthur says coldly. “Why do you want to leave?”

Gryphon looks up. “You … don’t know?”

“That’s why I’m asking you.”

Gryphon glances to the side. “I’ve … well, I made a bit of a fool of myself.” He looks as if he doesn’t want to say anything more.

“Is this to do with Kai?”

Gryphon studies the ground at his feet. “I don’t know what came over me.”

A black fog descends on Arthur’s mind. “You tried to force yourself –” 

“No! But I … said things I shouldn’t have said.” He looks quickly at Arthur, then away. “But Kai … er … he wouldn’t have anything to do with me.”

Arthur feels a weight lift from his heart. “Then you haven’t … had congress with Kai?”

“Is that why you were chasing me?” Gryphon looks Arthur in the eye for the first time, his face wide and innocent. “Are you and he …?”

“He didn’t tell you?” 

Then Arthur remembers, he forbade Kai ever to speak of it. 

“Arthur, I’m sorry. I … well, I thought you were just coming to bring me back. If I’d known, I would never …”

“It’s Meredith you should be saying sorry to. So, I ask again, where are you going?”

“I don’t know. I just knew I couldn’t stay in the same village with Kai. I couldn’t bear it, see?”

That, at least, Arthur can understand. And when he studies Gryphon’s face, he sees, not a triumphant rival, but a man who’s spent half the night weeping, and the other half, cursing his fate.

“And I wasn’t deserting Meredith – I was going to send for her, and her mother, when I found somewhere to settle.”

“Is this the truth, you’ve told me?”

Gryphon nods eagerly. “Yes, Arthur – I swear it.”

“Well.” Arthur offers a hand. “Then I release you. I hope you soon find somewhere you can make a home.”

“Thank you.” Gryphon takes Arthur’s hand in both of his, and shakes it. Then he mounts his horse. As he sets off once more, he looks back over his shoulder. “You’re a very lucky man, Arthur.”

Arthur nods, and says quietly, “Yes, I know.”

~~


	11. Chapter 11

The sound of footsteps outside the door wakes Kai. He rubs his eyes, swings his legs over the side of the bed, and sits up, just as Arthur comes in. 

“Where have you been?”

“Chasing a Gryphon.”

Hiding his emotions has never been among Kai’s skills; Arthur must have seen his expression flicker.

“Did you know he was leaving?”

“No.” Kai sighs. “But I can guess why. Arthur – there’s something I have to tell you.”

“Wait.” Arthur lays a finger on Kai’s lips. “I never made you any promises. And whatever happened between you and Gryphon … I know, after some of the things I’ve said to you, I’ve no right to expect an answer –”

“Perhaps not, but –”

“Yesterday, I asked if we could start again. I meant it. And I hope you can forgive _me_ for what’s gone before. Only, for my peace of mind, tell me, if you would, please, did Gryphon …” 

Arthur takes a deep breath, looks at the floor, apparently composing himself, then faces him again, and with an unaccustomed tremor in his voice, asks, “Kai, did he penetrate you?”

Kai gets to his feet and stands facing him, his hands on Arthur’s shoulders. “No, Arthur, no, he didn’t.” He pulls Arthur to him. “Nor I, him.” 

He feels Arthur sag against him, limp with relief. 

“He wanted to –”

Kai curses himself for a blind fool. How could he not have seen? Gryphon wanted to fuck him. Why would Arthur not desire the same? 

Of course: he did desire it.

As Kai turns it over in his mind, he remembers, many years ago, Arthur, holding the pot of grease, coating his own fingers, and looking at him expectantly; wanting to prepare him, as he had done with Arthur, twice, before that day. 

But he’d baulked; apprehensive or stubborn – he wasn’t ready. So he’d taken Arthur’s hand, and placed it between Arthur’s own thighs – deflecting him from his intent; denying his petition. 

Arthur didn’t ask again, and Kai dismissed from his mind, the look of disappointment fleeting across Arthur’s face. After that, their love-making, such as it was, fell into a familiar pattern – one they never spoke about. 

His willful obliviousness is what’s caused the fracturing of their love.

“Oh, Arthur, all these years you’ve waited. I’ve been so blind, and selfish.”

Arthur steps back, and gives him a questioning look.

“Gryphon did not penetrate me. But if you still want to –”

Arthur’s eyes widen, then they flash with fire. “There’s nothing I want more.”

Kai feels himself start to stiffen. 

Arthur bars the door. 

~~

With his hand on the wooden bar, Arthur stops and takes a moment to collect himself. He’d resigned himself never to know Kai, as Kai knew him; had thought the day would never come when Kai would show the trust in him, that he’d shown Kai. 

Now, he wants to give Kai everything that he’s withheld before: all his love and adoration, unrestrained and unconfined. But he feels weak with anticipation, and a little fear. If his ardour should make him inconsiderate ... 

He tries to calm himself, then turns, leans against the door, and faces Kai. 

“Last night, Llud said that what happens behind closed doors should be no concern of anyone but those involved.” 

Kai raises an eyebrow. “A sentiment of which I heartily approve.”

“Good.” Arthur takes a few slow steps towards him. “Llud also mentioned an old custom that died out before my father’s time. One we might resurrect, for our own purposes.”

“Oh ... and what’s that?”

“A leader’s vassals and lesser chiefs would show their fealty and duty to him, by sucking upon his nipples.”

Kai licks his lips. “Of course – if you want me to.”

“No. I make enough demands on you in public. Behind these doors, it will be me that shows you due respect.”

He reaches Kai, stoops, and with his tongue, caresses the flat pink skin surrounding Kai’s left nipple, takes it in his mouth, and sucks upon it, mauling gently with his teeth.

Kai takes a sharp breath.

Glancing down, Arthur notes with satisfaction, the effects of his attentions on Kai’s prick. He releases the captive nub of flesh, gives it a farewell kiss, then takes the other prisoner, giving it more tender treatment.

Kai makes a wordless, pleading sound.

Arthur looks up. 

“Arthur …”

Arthur rubs Kai’s right nipple with his thumb.

Kai gives a low moan.

“Your vassal pleases you?” 

Kai’s throat works; he crosses his hands over his chest, and nods.

“May he undress you?”

“Yes,” Kai says weakly. “Yes, of course.”

Dropping to his knees upon the rushes, Arthur carefully lifts Kai’s breeches over his still-hardening cock, without touching it. 

Kai’s hips jerk towards him.

Arthur touches his ankle. “Help me get these off.” 

“Oh.” Kai lifts each foot in turn, letting him remove the garment. 

Arthur looks at Kai, along the length of his cock, runs his nose up it, and licks behind the head. 

Kai tenses, and closes his eyes. “So, um … did you like my gift? The tunic?”

“Get on the bed – I’ll show you how much.”

Carefully, Kai settles himself upon the bed, and lies back against the pillow, letting his knees fall slightly apart. 

For so long, Arthur’s misgivings made him deny himself the pleasure of looking at Kai, in his nakedness. Now he does; and Kai looks irresistible. 

His tawny hair, still tousled with sleep, sticks up at all angles. His swollen nipples still stand pink and proud on the smooth expanse of his broad chest; his cock … 

Arthur swiftly strips off tunic, boots and breeches, almost tripping over his own feet in his eagerness.

Then Kai reaches under the bed, and offers him the jar of grease. Arthur bites his lip, and reaches for it. With a reassuring nod, Kai lets him take it. Their fingers touch; a charge, like lightning, sparks between them. 

This time, Kai won’t deny him. 

Arthur’s heart races as he kneels between Kai’s legs. He swallows. “Will you help me, Kai?” 

He passes the jar back to Kai, and holds out his right hand. Their gazes lock.

Kai scoops out a generous dollop, forms a greasy tunnel of his hand, and takes Arthur’s index, his ring finger, and finally his long middle finger, slathering each with grease. And each time, Arthur’s breath hitches, as if Kai’s hand were round his cock.

Then, looking a little fearful, Kai spreads his legs wider.

Feeling like he can hardly breathe, Arthur slides his left hand up Kai’s thigh, and cups him. 

Kai’s chest heaves.

Arthur’s right hand trembles, as, for the first time, he places his middle finger at the entrance to Kai’s body. He watches Kai intently; sees his lips part. 

“Kai, are you sure?”

Kai nods, and says softly, “Yes. I trust you, Arthur.”

Trying to control his breathing, Arthur presses gently with his fingertip, and slips it in, through the tight ring of muscle. Overcome at breaching Kai at last, he closes his eyes, and drops his forehead to Kai’s shoulder.

Kai palms Arthur’s cheek; raises his head. “Yes … it’s alright.”

Arthur eyes are moist; he presses further in, and feels a sense of wonder as Kai opens to him with a moan – and not of pain. 

Something Arthur’s been holding tight inside, releases. “Kai, I love you. I love you so much.” 

Kai presses his forehead against Arthur’s. “Oh, Arthur … thank you. I love you, too. I don’t know why I took so long to let you show me.”

Arthur draws back a little; there’s a place inside him that Kai always seems to find, which, when Kai touches it, gives such unworldly pleasure that it used to make him feel ashamed. He wants to do the same for Kai. He searches gently … finds a small –

“Arthur …” Kai’s back arches off the bed; the head of his cock glistens. 

Arthur strokes the place again, and Kai comes, with a broken cry. 

He lies back, his skin shining with sweat, and sticky with his issue, and murmurs, “Anything you want, Arthur … anything …”

“Only to be here, with you, like this.”

Kai lifts his head slightly. “Will you not come inside me?”

Arthur smiles. “Well, if you insist …”

~~


	12. Epilogue

Some weeks later, Herward arrives for talks. 

At the welcome feast, Arthur sees him glancing around. “Looking for someone?”

“I was just wondering where young Gryphon had got to.” Herward looks ill at ease. “Er … how’s he getting on?”

Arthur and Kai exchange glances.

Kai clears his throat. “Things didn’t work out for him. He decided to move on.”

“Oh dear.” Herward mops his brow. “I was afraid this might happen.”

Arthur frowns. “You were?”

“Did he cause _much_ trouble?”

Suspecting Herward has something to confess, Arthur says in a neutral tone, “No more than any young man might.” 

Herward breathes a sigh of relief. “So, he didn’t kill anybody?”

Kai’s head jerks back. “Were you expecting him to?”

Herward fiddles with his cross. “Well, let’s put it this way … he’s always been very … temperamental.”

Kai nods. “Since his mother died.”

“Is that what he told you?” Herward rolls his eyes. “Gryphon’s mother is in perfect – one might almost say ‘rude’ – health.”

“But –” 

“She threw him out.” 

Arthur’s nose wrinkles. “Why would she do that?”

“It’s a long story.”

Arthur’s lips quirk. “You’ve never shied away from telling one before – and we _have_ got all night.”

Herward demurs, finds a seat in a corner, and beckons them to sit with him. “Well, his father was a big brute of a man. Used to beat Gryphon unmercifully. Gryphon’s mother, too.”

“Yes, he told me that,” Kai says.

“Perhaps that’s why he was so keen to improve his fighting skills,” Arthur puts in.

“Perhaps.” Herward nods. “Well, anyway, when Gryphon was but thirteen summers old, his father made him go out hunting with him.” He lowers his voice. “Gryphon came back alone. Said his father had ‘fallen off a cliff’.”

“And had he?”

“Well, we found the body.” Herward waggles his eyebrows. “And it _was_ at the bottom of a cliff.” 

Arthur leans forward. “You think Gryphon pushed him?”

“Well, we didn’t enquire too deeply into the matter. His father wasn’t missed. But then his mother started taking up with all the ruffians for miles around, and Gryphon ended up on the wrong end of quite a few more beatings.”

“Couldn’t you put a stop to it?” Kai says, frowning.

Herward shrugs. “Short of banishing the woman … that wouldn’t have helped Gryphon. Anyway, he grew … and grew … and started fighting back. There was always some disturbance at that end of the village. Then he told her to choose between him and her ‘gentleman friends’.” Herward shrugs. “She threw _him_ out.”

Kai shakes his head. “I wonder why he lied …”

“Oh, I wouldn’t put it quite like that. He just couldn’t face the truth. He’s not really malicious. I think, in truth, he’ll say anything to try to make people like him. But it did cause trouble. People were always falling out, because of things he’d said, whether they were true or not.”

“Rhys and Gavyn …” Arthur murmurs. “So was that why he wanted to leave your village?” Arthur raises his eyebrows. “Or did you just decide to pass the problem on to me?”

Herward gives Arthur a conciliatory pat on the arm. “Well, Arthur, I knew you’d be more than capable of dealing with him. And I didn’t exactly throw him out.”

“What _exactly_ did happen then?”

“His temper wasn’t as bad as his father’s, but he _was_ very … shall we say, ‘sensitive’? One of the men suggested he would look lovely in a dress – I never did find out what that was about – and then made some remarks about his mother, which was something he never could abide. So he challenged them, fought them, and killed them, all according to protocol. The fight was fair, and he was quite within his rights.”

Arthur blows out a breath. “Well, that’s not something I would have allowed, but if it was, as you say, ‘all according to protocol’, why did he have to leave?”

“Well, there was such ill will towards the poor chap after that … Besides, after our last skirmish with the Picts together, I heard him singing your praises – yours and Kai’s. And it occurred to me that you could use his fighting skills on the front line, as it were …”

Arthur slaps Herward on the back. “Well, next time you consider sending us a gift like that, don’t bother!” 

“Oh, I don’t know.” Kai winks at Arthur. “Herward did us a favour, when you think about it.”

Arthur considers, gives a half-smile and puts an arm around Kai’s shoulders. “Perhaps he did, at that.”

Herward raises an eyebrow, but says nothing.

Then Llud sits down with them. “What are you three conspiring about?” 

“Just discussing young Gryphon.”

“So, where did he end up?” Herward asks. “I should let his mother know. For all her faults, I know she misses him.”

Llud raises a hand. “Last I heard, he and Meredith had joined Mark’s rabble. And Meredith was riding with the men, again.”

Arthur looks speculative. “So Gryphon’s with Mark of Cornwall …”

Llud snorts. “Before we know it, he’ll be Mark’s ‘Best Battle Leader’.”

“At least he’s worthy of the title,” Kai says. 

Arthur nods agreement. “Unless Meredith beats him to it!”

~~

When everyone else has left, Kai is still sitting, staring at his hands. Then he looks up at Arthur. “I hope Gryphon finds what he’s looking for.”

“Yes. So do I. Without intending to, he helped us find our way.” Arthur puts a hand over Kai’s. “And perhaps he’s already found his.” 

“What do you –” 

Arthur smirks. 

Kai’s eyes widen. _“Mark of Cornwall?”_

~~

Fin


End file.
